An old life
by LivElRocks a lot
Summary: When some one from Olivia's past comes back, will she be forced to relive the worst part of her life. EO pairing. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

I do not own SVU, Dick Wolf does.

A/N this is a big AU fic. And in the story, I'm makieng Olivia thirty, so in this chapter, shes 15

1990

"Damn this shit is hot" Rachel says inhaleing the joint Olivia had just rolled.

"Whatever just fucking pass it" Olivia said takeing it from her. The two of them had been been invioted to another one of the high school parties.

"Hey you two want some of this shit?" a tall blond hair guy said his hands full of tiny white pills.

"sure" Olivia said takeing one eagerly. Olivia and her friend took a few more hits off the joint before they got out on the dance floor. The two of them had been doing this type of stuff for a few years now. Well acturally, Rachel got her into this type of stuff.

"Damn that burnettes fine" Brian, one of the seniors, said looking at Olivia.

"Why don't you go ask her to dance, I'm sure she'll be willing to do that, and do a lot more" one of Brians friends said. Brian smiled evilly, then got out a small neddle filled with a clear substance

"lets make sure of that." He gave his friend a high five, then went over towards Olivia.

"You want some of this suger?" he said showing her the needle. Olivia smiled at him, then rolled up her shit sleeve to reveal her arm, witch was are ready filled up with needle marks and deep cuts. He grinned evily, then hid the needle behind his back

"got to do something for me first suger" he said ponting down. Olivia nodded then she led him towards one of the empty bedroms, where she gave him oral sex, twice. It wasn't the first time she did this. In fact, she was known for her tounge all over the school. She didn't mind, as long as she got what she wanted. Afterwords, they went downsairs, and he stuck the needle into her, then started to dance with her. A few minutes later, Olivia started to get dizzy. She put her hand out to steady herself and Brian grabbed her.

"Right on time" he thoght to himself evily.

"can I um, can I sit down for a bit?" she said almost falling. Brian smiled evily at her

"sure suger, theres a place right upsairs you can rest." Olivia nodded and took his hand and he led her upstairs. He passed his friend and winked at him. Olivia was almost to the room, then passed out. He carried her to the room, and layed her down on the bed. He smiled at her, then laid on top of her.

"Oh baby, tonight's your lucky night" he said taking off her clothes.

The next morning

"What happened last night?" Olivia wondered as she sat up in the bed. She looked down and noticed she had no clothes on. She looked next to her and saw a small note

"Enjoyed last night, Brian." Olivia suddenly rembered

"damn it! It fucking happened again!" It wasn't the first tme that she had been date raped. She got up and got dressed, then walked downstairs. She looked around the liveing room and spotted Rachel sleeping on the couch, with tiny pills surronding her.

"Rach, Rach wake up" she said shakeing her awake. Rachel sat up and looked around

"what time is it?" she asked rubbing he eyes

"about one. Come on get up." Rachel nodded and got off the couch and handed Olivia a small peice of paper.

"We got invited to some party next weekend. Supposed to have everything, and I mean everything there. You want to go?"

"yeah, why not" Olivia said picking up some of the small pills and popping them in her mouth. It went on like this for the rest of Olivia and Rachels hign school life. After graduation, Olivia straightened out, whale Rachel did even more crazier and wilder drugs. Olivia never mentioned her past to anyone, not even Elliot, her boyfriend. She thought she put it all behind her, and no one would ever have to know. She thought it would be over, and she would never have to face her past again, untill one day...

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own them, Dick Wolf does

Present day 10:30 pm Olivia's apartment

"I love you so much" Elliot said kissing her neck

"I love you too" Olivia said kissing him back. The two of them have been dating for six months now, and they were both as happy as could be. Elliot lied her down on the couch and kissed her again. Olivia pulled him closer and kissed him harder.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked her kissing her on the neck again. Olivia smiled at him and nodded yes. Even though they had made love many times, he still asked every time if it was okay

"bedroom?" Olivia asked him putting her arms around him. Elliot nodded, then got up and the two of them got up and started to go toward's the bedroom before they heard a knock on the door. They stopped kissing and looked toward's the door, then back toward's each other.

"Maybe they'll just go away" Olivia said looking back toward's the door, but then there was loud knocking again. Olivia went toward's the door, and slowly opened it. Out side was a girl about thirty with red streaked hair, and a pierced nose.

"Hey Liv girl! whats up! God I missed you so much!" the girl said hugging Olivia. Olivia looked at Elliot strangely, then at the girl still hugging her

"um, who are you?" she asked the strange girl. The girl released her and stepped back, looking hurt.

"you don't remember me?" she asked softly. Olivia looked at her in confusion

"no sorry I don't." The girl scoffed, shock her head, then looked at her again

" it's me, Rachel, from high school, your best friend." Olivia looked at her for a moment, then her eyes got wide.

"Don't ever come near me or my house again!" she yelled at her and she slammed the door in the Rachel's face. Olivia stood there for a moment before she turned around

"honey whats wrong?" Elliot said noticing that she had tears in her face. Olivia didn't speak, she just wiped her tears away.

"El I think you should go now" she said wiping away more tears. Elliot walked up toward's her and looked into her eyes.

"Liv, baby please tell me whats wrong?" Olivia looked at him, and then hugged him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she said hugging him harder. Elliot hugged her back and stroked her hair.

"It's okay, it's okay." Olivia released the hug, wiped away the tears, and then looked at him.

"I think it would be a lot better if you left" she said quietly. Elliot wanted to find out what was wrong, but decided not to push it. He nodded, then hugged her.

"I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." Olivia nodded and then Elliot left. Olivie wiped away her tears, then went into the bath room, and washed off her cover up from her arm, revealing old needle marks, and faded scars. She looked at them for a moment before looking at her self in the mirror. She stared for a moment, disgusted, before she lost it. She yelled loudly and smashed her hand on the mirror over and over again. She sank down, ignoring the searing pain through her hand, and started crying. She started crying for all the pills she popped, for all the needles she got stuck with, for all the times she cut herself. Never enough to die, but enough to feel the pain. She cried for a few more minutes before she got up, wiped her tears away, and looked at her hand, witch was bleeding freely now.

"I got to take care of this" she said slipping into cop mode. She reached down and took out a small first aide kit, and got out some gauze. She nursed the hand, then got the broom and swept the broken glass out. She decided even thought it was only 11, she was tired, and wanted to get to bed. She changed into a tank top and shorts, and slipped under her covers, then she heard a knock at the door again

"go away Elliot" she yelled

"Liv girl its me. Will you please open up?" Rachel yelled thought the door. Olivia tensed up, then started to cry again

"go away Rachel!" she yelled loudly.

"will you please just open the fucking door?" Rachel yelled loudly. Olivia rolled her eyes, wiped away the tears, then got up to answer the door. She took a deep breath, then put on her best detective face, then answered the door. Rachel stood there with a smile on her face

"What the hell do you want?" Olivia said crossing her arms. Rachel's smile disappeared, then looked down.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me" she said softly. Olivia glared at her, then crossed her arms.

"Well you thought wrong, now get out." Rachel looked up at her and smiled.

"Damn Liv, you've gotten hot, not that you weren't when we were younger, but now, damn. If I was a lesbian, I'd totally fuck you." Olivia rolled her eyes

"well thank you, now get the hell out" Olivia said pointing toward's the door. Rachel looked down, then at her again

"well Liv thats the thing, I don't really have a place to go." Normally Olivia normally would have let the girl stay with her, but having her stay with her would mean pills and needles, and Olivia didn't want go down that road again.

"Well I'm sorry you don't have a place to stay, but I don't care." Olivia tried to close the door, but Rachel blocked it

"come on Liv, your so nice to all your victims, why can't you let me stay with you for a while"

"because I don't want you to stay with me, and how the hell did you find me any way?"

"I looked you up on the Internet. So your a cop now huh? wow, a few years ago, you hated cops"

" well I've changed, but I see you haven't" she said pointing toward's a small prescription bottle in her pocket. Rachel took it out and then passed it toward's Olivia

"its for a back ache, its a perfectly legal prescription." Olivia snatched it from her and looked at it more closely

"yeah its a legal prescription, for a Jessica Mythic. You stole this medication" Olivia said glaring at her. Rachel rolled her eyes then tried to take the pills back, but Olivia pulled it out of reach

"come on Liv give it back" she said trying to take the pills back again but Olivia snatched them out of her reach again.

"no, Rachel I should arrest you for something like this" Rachel's eyes got big

"no Olivia please don't put me back there. I don't want to have to go through it again" Rachel said crying. Olivia rolled her eyes and looked at her old friend crying hard and not even bother to wipe away the tears. She sank down on the floor, and started to cry harder

"come on Rach stand up" Olivia said helping her stand up. Rachel stood up,and sniffed

"I just wanted a place to stay, thats all" she said wiping away more tears. Olivia sighed then looked down.

"I want to let her stay, but if she does, then what will happen if I start doing that shit again" she wondered to herself.

"It's not going to happen, I'm a detective now, and if she offers some to me, then I can just arrest her." Olivia sighed then looked at her old time friend

"Rachel. If you promise, and I mean promise, not to get out any pills, or needles, or anything when I'm around, I'll let you stay." Rachel looked up at her and smiled

"thanks Liv, you won't regret it I promise" she said hugging her. Olivia nodded then let her inside.

"heres the couch, theres a blanket and pillow on there are ready, and I have to get up at six tomorrow, so good night Rachel" and then Olivia went back into her room, and laid down on her bed. She looked over at Elliot's picture and frowned

"what if he finds out all the shit I did when I was younger? Will he still love me?" she wondered silently. But she quickly answered her own question

"of course he will" and then Olivia fell asleep.

Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own them

tiny spoiler for Intoxicated

Next day

6:00 AM

"Beep, beep, beep, crash" Olivia was too tired to turn off her alarm clock so she just pushed it off her night stand. She got out of her bed and stumbled sleepily to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, got undressed and stepped under the hot spray. A few minute's later she stepped out and finished getting ready in the bathroom. She went to her bed room, got dressed and then went out to the kitchen where Rachel was sitting at the table reading a magazine. She looked up and smiled at Olivia when she walked in.

"Hey Liv Girl! How you sleep?" she asked cheerfully. Olivia groaned and went to the coffee maker and made some

"not really a morning person huh?" Rachel said smiling. Olivia sat down at the table and put her head down

"what time is it" she asked yawning. Rachel looked at her stolen watch

"about six thirty" Olivia nodded then put her head down again. Then they heard a knock on the door. Olivia got up to answer it and saw Elliot standing there

"hey Liv, thought I'd give you a ride to work today." Olivia smiled at him then moved to let him in.

"thanks. Hey sorry about last night" she said looking down. Elliot smiled and lifted her head

"don't worry about it beautiful."

"What happened to your hand?" he asked pointing toward's her bandaged hand. She was about to say some thing before Rachel spoke up

"damn, who is this" she said getting up and walking over toward's Olivia and Elliot. Olivia blushed and looked down. She wasn't really expecting to explain Rachel to Elliot yet.

"Liv isn't that the girl you yelled at last night?" Elliot said looking at Olivia

"yeah, but we made up. And for the record, I would love to make up with you" she said putting her arms around him. Elliot gave her a small smile then lifted Rachel's hands off his shoulders

"well thats great. Um Liv who is this?" he said pointing toward's Rachel.

"This is an old friend from high school Rachel Buffet. We used to be friends." Elliot nodded then looked at Rachel again

"well its nice to meet you Rachel" he said nodding his head

"Its damn fine to meet you" she said circling and looking him up and down. Olivia glared at her then went up to Elliot and stood next to him

"Rachel, I don't believe you met my boyfriend Elliot" she said standing close to him. Rachel looked at him and licked her lips

"boyfriend huh. Tell me Elliot, what do you give her so that she calls you her boyfriend?" Elliot looked at Olivia who was shooting daggers at Rachel

"come on, does he gives you pills, drugs, what?" Olivia went up to her and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to her bedroom, leaving Elliot looking confused. Once inside Olivia's bedroom, Rachel pulled away from her

"damn, rip my arm out of my socket why don't you" she said rubbing the part where Olivia grabbed. Olivia slammed the door and walked up to her

"look, don't you ever mention that to him again, I mean it. Not one word to him about me doing drugs, pills, or any of that shit I did when I was young. Especially the part where I used to give head for drugs" she said glaring at her. Rachel looked confused then nodded at her

"you never told him about your past did you. You probably never even mentioned me did you?" Olivia crossed her arms and glared at her

"well your not exactly the type of person that I like to brag about knowing." Rachel glared at her, before stalking out of the room. Olivia followed and put her hand to her head

"it's going to be a long day" she thought to her self. she walked out to see Elliot looking confused, and Rachel whispering something in his ear. Olivia's eyes got wide and she walked over to them and grabbed Rachel bye the arm again

"what the hell are you telling him?" she demanded. Rachel pulled away from her and crossed her arms

"none of your business" she said glaring at Olivia. Olivia turned toward's Elliot

"what was she telling you?" she asked him with pleading eyes.

"nothing, she just told me to ask you about Jimmy Danza." Olivia's eyes got wide and she started to blush. Jimmy Danza was the man that Olivia used to get most of her pills and needles from, but it was at a price. She also had to give him head almost every night, and had to have sex with him every weekend. Olivia turned toward's Rachel, who just stood there with a smug look on her face, then she turned back toward's Elliot

"he was an old boyfriend" she said simply before turning back toward's Rachel.

" before I get back from work, I want you out of my house" she said leading Elliot out and slamming the door behind her. Once out side, Elliot turned toward's Olivia.

"What was that about?" he asked her as she pushed the down button on the elevator.

"Shes just an old friend. We didn't stay in touch after high school. And last night she just showed up at my door step." Elliot nodded then turned toward's her

"if she was a good friend from school, how come last night you told her to never come near you, and just now, you told her to get out." Olivia opened her mouth, then shut it again.

"she wasn't exactly what you would call a great friend" she said looking down.

"Lets not talk about her anymore okay?" she said looking at him and smiling. Elliot nodded and continued to drive to the station. When they got there, Olivia and Elliot walked into the station to find Fin and John arguing with each other again.

"I'm telling you! Hes going to do it within the next two months!" John said yelling at Fin. Fin just glared at him

"No way! He's going to do it within the next week! You know him, he rushes into things!"

"Rushes into things! They've been going out for six months and he hasn't even bought a ring yet! Thats not rushing into things!" John shouted back. Elliot looked at Olivia who just smiled and shock her head

"who's rushing into what?" she said before Fin could argue back with John. They both looked at her then back toward's each other.

"We were just talking about when a certain someone, is going to propose to another certain someone" Fin said looking at Elliot. He shrugged then sat down and started on paper work. Olivia looked at the both of them and also shrugged, then went to her own desk to do paperwork. The day went be reasonably slow. They had no cases, and no court dates, so they did paperwork all day. Olivia couldn't concentrate though, she kept thinking about Rachel.

"Why the hell did she have to show up now, when my life is finally in order. I have a great boyfriend, a good job. Well not exactly good but, oh who cares, she had to show up. Why couldn't she just stayed where she was, why did she decide to come to me. Why couldn't she just go to one of her junkie friends for a room." She looked around and thought of something

"what if they find out what I used to do, what if I lose my job, what if Elliot breaks up with me, what if I start doing it again"

"damn that stupid junkie!" she yelled out loudly and standing up. She looked around and noticed that the whole squid was staring at her oddly. She sat down quickly, put her head down, and blushed deep red. John and Fin looked at Elliot, who just looked confused. He looked at Olivia who kept her head down.

"Um, Liv are you okay?" he asked her softly

"I'm fine" she said quietly. Elliot looked at John and fin, who just shrugged again. Olivia kept her head down the rest of the day until lunch time.

"I'm going to go get some coffee, and food. What does every one want?" Fin asked getting up and stretching

"get me a double, with cheese and bacon with everything on it, and a large Coke" Elliot said stretching.

"What about you Munch?"

"are you kidding me. Do you know how many chemicals the gover-"

"thats great John. Anything for you Liv?"

"Cesar salad, and a small diet coke" she said not looking up from her paper work. Fin nodded then left the station house. Once he was gone, Olivia got up to go to the bath room. When she was gone, Elliot called John over.

"Hey, I need your opinion on something. Do you think Olivia is ready to settle down yet?" he asked him in a whisper. John shrugged

"all women are ready to settle down, especially if theres alumni money in the divorce." Elliot rolled his eyes, and pulled out a small box, witch held a rather expensive looking ring. Johns eyes got wide as he looked at the ring, then at Elliot, then back to the ring.

"In the words of my partner, where did you get the money for that rock!" he exclaimed loudly. Elliot shushed him, then looked around to see if Olivia heard

"a fiend of mine owns a jewelry shop in Manhattan. So do you think she'll like it?"

"does it have a diamond in it?"

"yes"

"then she'll love it. So how are you going to ask her?." Elliot smiled

"I got it all planed out. I'm going to ask Cragen to give her the day off, and I'm going to send her to one of the most relaxing spas in the city, then, I'm going to take her to her favorite restaurants, Little Italy. And I are ready asked my friend who works there to play her favorite love song, in the middle of dinner, and we're going to get up and dance, and then, I'm going to get down on one knee, confess my love to her, and ask her. And hopefully, she'll say yes." John sniffed then wiped away a tear.

"No wonder none of my marriages worked. One time, we we're sitting on my couch watching a rodeo on TV, I turn to her and go, you want to get married? and she says yes, but you two, your a romantic and so is she, theres no way she'll say no to you." Elliot smiled, then saw Olivia coming. He put the box back in his pocket, then continued working on paperwork. Olivia came back and sat down at her desk. She looked up and smiled at him, then started doing her paperwork again. John saw a girl come in the station and look around. He went over to her

"how may I help you?" he asked her.

"yeah, I'm looking for an Olivia Benson" she said sniffing.

"And who might you be?"

"I'm an old friend of hers, Rachel Buffet."

"Hey Liv, some girls here to see you" he called out. Olivia looked up, and saw Rachel standing there. Rachel smiled and waved.

"Sweetie whats wrong?" Elliot asked noticing that Olivia suddenly got upset.

"I'll be right back" she whispered. She walked up to Rachel.

"Liv, I'm sorry about what I did earlier, but please don't kick me out" Rachel said loudly. Olivia shushed her, then looked around

"come on" she said quietly and leading into one of the interview rooms. She shut the door behind her and looked at Rachel.

"You had no right to tell Elliot about Jimmy. And you also didn't have to say that he had to give me pills or drugs, I mean, what would make you to say something like that?" Olivia asked angrily. Rachel shrugged and then sniffed again

"Well when we were kids, that's what your boyfriends were, dug dealers, except for that one guy that asked you to marry him, but you broke up with him. But anyway, how was I supposed to know that you changed. But please, let me live with you for a while." Olivia shock her head

"Rach, I'm sorry, but I can't have you live with me. I don't want to go down that road again." Rachel scoffed

"what road? the road of having a good time? plus, I promised you that I wouldn't get out any of the hard stuff when your around. Please Liv girl, you can't throw me out, I have no place to go, I could murdered, or rape." Olivia sighed, looked down, and then looked at her.

"Fine, but not one word about anything to anybody, you got me?" she said sternly. Rachel nodded, smiled at her and sniffed again.

"Are you catching a cold or something?" Rachel shock her head no and sniffed again

"no, just a little plugged up." Olivia rolled her eyes and looked her her sternly

"Rach, you forget that I'm a cop, and I know the symptoms of when someone's been snorting crack, so don't even try and pull that shit about being plugged up" she said crossing her arms. Rachel sniffed again and looked at her wearily

"are you going to arrest me?" she asked quietly. Olivia shock her head

"no, but please, no more coming into the station on crack please" she asked opening the door. Rachel nodded then walked out of the interview room. Olivia went out and shut the door behind her. Then she heard Fins voice yell

"what the hell are you doing here?" he said angrily. Olivia turned around and saw Rachel and Fin glaring at each other

"well well well, if it isn't detective asshole. What, Narcotics get to tough for you bitch boy?" she asked crossing her arms. Fin glared at her

"no, just got tired of dealing with whoring junkies like you" he said angrily

"screw you, all right. Your a little bitch, who sticks his big nose where it doesn't belong"

"well, you stick your nose in crack twenty four seven, so you should be one to talk." Rachel glared at him before turning back to Olivia

"I'll see you tonight all right, I know where the spare key is, so I won't have trouble getting in." she turned back to Fin, glared at him then walked out, with Fin glaring at her back on the way out. When she was gone, he turned back to Olivia

"what the hell you doing being mixed up with worthless garbage like that?" he said. Olivia simply shrugged and said

"I don't know, I really don't know."

Please review


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own them.

A/N Thanks 4 all the reviews. And sorry you had to wait so long for the update, I got three others I'm working on, and I'm moving in like three weeks.

"I'll see you tonight all right, I know where the spare key is, so I won't have trouble getting in." she turned back to Fin, glared at him then walked out, with Fin glaring at her back on the way out. When she was gone, he turned back to Olivia

"what the hell you doing being mixed up with worthless garbage like that?" he said. Olivia simply shrugged and said

"I don't know, I really don't know." Olivia sighed then went back to her desk, where Elliot and Munch was starring at Fin.

"Um Fin, why the hell did you yell at that girl?" Munch asked him crossing his arms. Fin just stared down at the paperwork and mumbled something

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"I said old acquaintance" he said angrily. John nodded then turned to Olivia

"and how do you know Fins old acquaintance?" he asked her. Olivia just shrugged

"also an old acquaintance" she said looking down. John rolled his eyes at her

"how the hell does everyone know this girl?" he said angrily.

"Just drop it John!" Fin and Olivia said angrily at the same time.

"Sorry, sorry. God calm down" he said going back to his paperwork. Elliot looked at Olivia for a moment

"why the hell does she hate talking about this girl so much? Did she do something to Olivia when they were younger, well whatever it is, I'm gonna find out." The rest of the day went by without talking about Rachel. But when Fin got up for coffee, Olivia followed him.

"How do you know Rachel?" she asked quietly. He didn't turn around

"why don't you ask the damn junkie yourself" he said quietly to her. He finished pouring his coffee and turned to Olivia

"and how the hell do you know her, and why did she say that she knew where the key was, and that she would have no trouble getting in?" Olivia looked down and then she looked back up at him

"we used to be friends, after high school, we went our separate ways." Fin looked at her in slight shock

"you used to be friends with her? why the hell would you get mixed up with someone like that?" Olivia shrugged

"I didn't get mixed up with her, I didn't do any of the stuff that she did" she told him looking down

"thats a lie if I ever told one" she said thinking to herself. Fin shock his head

"whatever, I'm telling you though, whatever she plans on using you for, you should just kick her out right now, because she is no good what so ever." He turned around and went to his desk leaving Olivia standing there at the coffee machine

"is he right? I know shes no good, I was friends with her for almost six years, but then again, I did more then she did when I was a kid. But should I just kick her out, with no where to go?" Her thoughts were interrupted how ever when Elliot came up to her

"you okay Liv?" he asked sincerely. She turned towards him and offered a smile, that Elliot didn't believe one bit was true.

"I'm fine" she lied

"I just had a bad day, but I'm gonna be fine" Elliot nodded. He knew that she was lying, but he didn't want to ask about it when they were at the squad room. He smiled at her, then went back to his desk. She sighed then went back to her desk and finished up her paperwork. At around ten, all four of them had finished there paperwork, and was allowed to leave early. Elliot and Olivia walked to the elevator together and then to there cars.

"You want to go to O Mallys for a drink?" he asked her. Olivia smiled but shock her head

"as much as I would love to, I can't. I gotta get home and see if Rachel's still there." Elliot nodded, kissed her, then smiled at her

"are you sure your okay?" he asked sincerely. Olivia nodded then kissed him again, then hugged him

"I don't know what I'd do with out you" she whispered tears threating to fall. Elliot nodded then hugged her back

"you'll never have to worry about it" he said bringing her close. Olivia nodded, then pulled away, wiping her tears.

"You know what, on second thought, how about we go to my place for a drink, its closer." Elliot smiled at her then nodded again. They got in Olivia's car and drove to her apartment. She parked in her usual place, then they both got out and went inside. When they got to her door, they heard a loud crash. Olivia quickly got out her keys and she and Elliot rushed inside to find Rachel with a broken glass bowl next to her.

"Jesus Christ man. What the fuck, you don't just come barging in here whenever the fuck you want. you could have been Rachel burglars" she said clumsily running a hand though her hair.

"What the hell are Rachel burglars?" Elliot asked looking at Olivia, who was shooting daggers at her

"well, since Livvy over here don't have a cat, you sure as hell can't be cat burglars" she said laughing at what she just said. Olivia continued to glare at her, before turning to Elliot with a more softer expression

"I'm sorry El, but could we do the drinks another time? I really don't feel up to it tonight." Before Elliot responded Rachel came over to him

"damn, you brought this sexy, sexy man over again" Rachel said airily as she circled Elliot.

"Have you ever fucked a girl with red hair" she said with what she thought was a seductive voice.

"Um no" Elliot said looking at Olivia for help. Rachel started laughing again then went up to Olivia

"oh my god Liv, where the hell did you find him?" she said through heavy laughter. Olivia glared at her. She walked over to Elliot, who just looked confused

"is she okay" he asked her now looking up at the ceiling with amazement.

"She'll be fine" she said over the shout of

"what a kick ass ceiling!" Elliot nodded then looked at Olivia, who looked slightly embarrassed.

"Whats wrong Liv?" he asked in concern

"nothing. But I think it would be better if you left. I know that I've throw you out twice in a row, but can you please understand?" Elliot nodded, kissed her, then left. When he was gone, Olivia turned to Rachel and stormed over to her.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Olivia asked angrily pulling Rachel away from looking at the ceiling.

"whats wrong with me, what is wrong with you" she said her trying to look back up at the ceiling.

"Why the hell did you decide to get high now, in a cops apartment! Do you know I should arrest you for doing this!" Olivia said angrily. Rachel's eyes got wide, and tears started to flow from them.

"No, I don't want to go back to jail! They don't have this kick ass a ceiling!" she said looking up. Olivia rolled her eyes. Even if she could arrest her, she wouldn't be able to, whatever drugs she has taken was gone are ready.

"I'm not going to arrest you. But answer me this though. How do you know Fin?" she really wanted to know had those two had know each other. Rachel wiped away her tears and glared at Olivia

"why what the hell did that little bitch boy tell you" she said angrily.

"That I should ask the damnjunkie about it" she said crossing her arms. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"That stupid bastard, he ruined my entire life. You want to hear how the little asshole did it?" but before Olivia could answer, Rachel started speaking.

"One day, I'm just chilling with my group aight, when suddenly this guy from out of no where just shows up. And hes cool and shit, then me and him start dating. At the time, I was dating this guy named Chris something' and then I cheat on Chris for this guy. And at first, all he ever wanted to know about was Chris, his house, where he got the drugs, and all that fucked up shit. So one day, I go over to Chris's house to tell him its over because I got a new love of my life. Yeah, soon as I get there, the bastard pulls out a pair of handcuffs and arrests my for a whole bunch of crazy shit. And it turns out, that the guy that I fell in love with, was a fucking cop!" Rachel started to cry. Olivia looked at her, with a little bit of remorse

"and Fin was the cop"

"yeah. I thought he really loved me, then he arrests me, the fucking nerve of that guy. Even though I was cheating on him for some ex, doesn't mean that the bitch can arrest me. I really loved him sorta" she said now crying even harder. Olivia rolled her eyes, but then hugged her

"its okay Rach, it'll be okay."

"He didn't even come to my parole hearing!" she said between the sobs. Olivia hugged her for a few more minutes before Rachel got up.

"Great, I fucking lost my high because of that." Rachel put a hand in her pocket, and pulled out a small needle filled with a white liquid. Olivia's eyes got wide as she took of the cap. Rachel noticed it, and smiled at her

"you want some" she said holding the needle in front of her. Olivia closed her eyes for a moment

"no" she said opening them. Rachel scoffed

"oh thats right, your clean. WellI have a feeling the nights going to get pretty fucking crazy" Rachel said in a sing song voice

"I said no Rachel, and put that away, or I will arrest you." Rachel rolled her eyes, then put out her arm, filled with needle marks

"Rachel don't, I swear to god I'll arrest you." Rachel looked at the needle, then at Olivia, then back at the needle.

"Just one prick Liv girl, please, I fucking need this" she pleaded

"you don't need it Rachel" but Olivia looked at the needle and remembered how she would be between needles, it was pure hell. Olivia shock her head

"I can't believe I'm doing this, I could lose my badge over this, but if you promise not to pull out any more needles around me, then I'll let you do this." Rachel smiled then hugged her, and the tip of the needle was an inch away from her skin. Olivia closed her eyes and gently pulled her arm away from the needle, but not before considering to move it closer.

Please review


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own them

A/N This is a flash back chapter, I plan to have a few of these in this story.

WARNING: very, very mild rape scene in this

Olivia closed her eyes and gently pulled her arm away from the needle, but not before considering to move it closer. The next morning, Olivia woke up and laid in bed, not moving. She didn't have to work today, so she wanted to sleep in.

"Why the hell did she come to me?" she thought to herself

"its not like we were close after we graduated. We didn't stay in touch, so why did she decide to come to me. I have a perfect life, but she had to come back and totally ruin it" she thought to herself angrilly.

"It's not like she was the best friend during high school either" she said out loud thinking of one particular night, that made Olivia totally hate Rachel for a whole year. And she was still a little angry about it. That night, changed her life forever.

1992

"Liv!" a seventeen year old Rachel yelled running across the school lawn and over to an seventeen year old Olivia.

"What Rach, I got class in like five minutes" she said looking at the watch she stole from one of the teachers. Rachel scoffed

"like you care about class" she said smiling.

"True, so whats up?" she said setting down her books, and walking with Rachel to there regular spot. Under the oak tree, where they sometimes got high, and stuck them selves with needles.

"I met this guy, says he'll give us anything we want."

"Nice" Olivia said happily

"but at a price, you got to sleep with him."

"why me? Not that I object or anything, but why not you?"

"I don't know. I offered to do him, but he said no. Then he asked for a pic of one of my friends, and I showed him the one of you giving that one guy a lap dance."

"You took a fucking picture! What the hell is wrong with you, and why do you have it in your wallet" she said angrilly. Rachel just shrugged

"I wasn't exactly with it that night. Nether were you. But the guy says he wants to meet you."

"Well, I do have that affect on guys" she said winking to one of the guys that she had have sex with for a hit of x. Rachel smiled wildly at her

"great. He wants us to meet him in that abandoned house on 22 street now" she said grabbing Olivia's arm and she started running. They really didn't care about skipping school because they have done it so many times, that it wasn't that big a deal now. They ran to the parking lot, and Olivia hot wired a random car, then got in and drove off.

"All right, turn left" Rachel said taking out a small slip of paper that the guy has given her. A few minutes later, they were in front of a old abandoned house.

"Wow, why all the secrecy?" Olivia asked looking at the dark house. Rachel shrugged, then looked at Olivia and smiled

"trust me, it'll all be worth it." Olivia smiled in agreement, then they both walked in to the house.

"Hello" Olivia cried out.

"we're here" Rachel cried out.

"I wonder where he " but she stopped. Her eyes got wide as she looked at what a drug takers dream would be.

"Oh my god Rachel" she said going over to the large basket full of random pills, various needles, and giant bags of numerous substances.

"I know, do you think we'll still high from this morning" Rachel said not being able to turn her head from the large basket.

" I don't know, but I'm so loving this!" she said happily.

"Well, if you like that, you gotta pay the price sweet thing" a mans voice said behind them. Olivia turned, expecting to see a guy about twenty behind them, but instead, there was a forty something year old man. Olivia turned to Rachel, who just looked down. Olivia told her when she first gave sex for drugs, she wouldn't do over thirty, but this guy looked about twelve years older then that.

" Are you here to take us to the guy in charge of all of this" Olivia said hopefully. The man snickered, then looked her up and down.

"I'm the one in charge" he said licking her lips. Olivia wanted to cringe when he did this, but instead she just smiled politely at him.

"Can you excuse us for a second" she said grabbing Rachel's arm and pulling her into the corner of the dusty dirty room.

"What the fuck is wrong with your head! You know I don't do over thirty, and this guy is"

"thirteen years older then that" Rachel said starring down at the floor. Olivia glared at her

"I'm not doing it, get someone else, but I'm not doing this cradle robber!" she whispered angrilly.

"Come on Liv, please just do this for me. I really need it please. I know you need it to." Olivia didn't say anything. Rachel was right, she needed the drugs, she needed the needles, but she didn't want to do this guy. And no matter how hard it was going to be, she had to say no.

"Rachel, please, lets just go to Danza, he'll give us a whole baggie full of stuff for just an ice cream swirl."

"No! Liv, this guy has anything you can imagine and more. Why are you fighting this?" but before Olivia could answer, the man came up behind Olivia and started to kiss her neck. Olivia turned around, and gave him a half glare.

"Look, we appreciate all the stuff you were going to give us, but we're going to have to decline, sorry" Olivia said turning towards the door, but he grabbed her shoulders, and turned her around, angrilly.

"Let me go" Olivia said fearfully. He just smirked at her.

"You can decline or not, but I'm going to get some from you, weather you like it or not" he said eying her lustfully. Olivia started to struggle, but he was much stronger then her. He slammed her on the floor, and got on top of her.

"No! Let me go!" she said her voice full of fear.

"No way bitch" he said taking off her shirt.

"Rachel help!" she shouted as he took off her pants and panties. But Rachel didn't answer, she just looked away, with a tear in her eye. She hated what Olivia was going through, but she needed the drugs.

"No one can help you now" he whispered as he pulled down his jeans and boxers.

"Please don't" Olivia said tears falling heavily down her face.

"Shut up" he said running his hands over her naked body. She began to whimper as he began to push into her.

"Stop" she said though tears. He didn't say anything as he pushed into her harder.

"I said shut up" he said groaning as he pushed in her. The next half hour were silent except Olivia's whimpers, Rachel sniffling every few minutes, and the mans grunts and groans. Finally he finished and Olivia felt him shudder as he relieved himself in the condom he had on.

"Now wasn't that easy" he said kissing her neck. Olivia glared at him

"as soon as I'm out of this hell hole, I'm fucking calling the cops" she thought to herself as a tear fell down her face. The man must have read her mind.

"Don't even think about going to the cops sweet heart, no one will believe a whoring junkie like you" he said whispering in her ear. Olivia started to cry as he pulled out of her, and pulled back on his pants and boxers, then left, slamming the door behind him. Olivia started to cry even harder as she balled up into a fetal position.

"Liv, are you okay?" Rachel said as she wiped away her own tears, and walked over to her. Olivia lifted her head and glared at her though her tears

"you didn't do anything you little bitch!" Olivia said trying to leap at her, but she had a surge of pain run through her legs, and she collapsed on the floor.

"I'm sorry, but I needed the stuff. I'm sorry, but lets just get high, and we can forget all this stuff happened." Olivia wiped away her tears, and stood up pain sheering through her.

"Thats just it Rach, we need the stuff, we will do anything for us to get the stuff. Its always we isn't it. But your not the one that has to give the blow jobs, your not the one that has to hot wire the car, your not the one who has fuck every guy she meets because every one thinks that shes supposed to. Your not the one that just got raped by a cradle robber. I'm sick of this we shit Rachel. If you want this stuff, then get it on your own. I'm though" Olivia said limping to the door. Rachel ran over o her

"Olivia you can't go, I need you, and you need me. We need each other, and you can't be though. you love this to much."

"I love this?" she said angrilly

"I love being raped, I love being called a slut and a whore, I love guys fucking me in the bathroom almost every day of school for a tiny bit of x?" Olivia said more tears running down her face.

"No but" Rachel said looking down

"your right I don't. I'm just sick of this, I'm quitting" Olivia said going out the door again. Rachel ran in front of her

"no you can't quit!" she said nervously.

"Yes I can, I'm done with this. If you want to quit with me, then you can follow me out, and we can start a whole new life together. If you want to keep doing it, then you can stay." They stared at each other for a moment, before Rachel went and stood by the big basket. Olivia let a silent tear fall, before going out, and never turning back.

Please review. I know not much of a cliff hanger, but the next chapter will be way better


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own anything or anybody, except Rachel.

A/N sorry 4 the long update. My Step dad was being an asshole and deleted ALL of my files, including all of my stories, the chapters, an E-mail directly from Mariska Hargitay herself, and at least three almost completed stories. And he knew exactly what he was doing, I hate step parents, but I'm working on re writing them all. Also I'm not talking to him :)

"Olivia?" Rachel said coming into Olivia's room and going next to her bed. She had heard Olivia crying, and went into check on her. Olivia looked up at her and glared at her

" whydidn't do anything?"she said leaping on her. Both her and Rachel landed on the floor. Olivia was on top of her, and started to throw punches, but Rachel dodged them.

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Olivia said trying to get in at least one good hit.

"No I don't. Why don't you get off me and tell me what the fuck is going on!" Olivia looked at her in anger for a moment before she got off her. Rachel pulled herself off the floor and dusted off her clothes.

"Well, hows that for a get up and go in the morning" she said examining a rip in her jeans that Olivia had caused. Olivia just looked at her in anger

"shut up!" Rachel looked at her and scoffed

"well right about now, I would beat the hell out of anybody that said that to me, and tried to kick my ass, but since I know you could take me down again, I'm gonna let it slide. Now why did you just attack me?" Olivia took a deep breath and looked at Rachel in anger.

"Because you didn't do anything, and you let that happen." Rachel looked confused for a second

"what are you talking about Liv girl?"

"that day in the house, you let that bastard rape me." Rachel looked more confused before she realized what Olivia was talking about and her expression got soft.

"Oh Liv girl, I'm sorry. Is this what this is about? Look, your right, no one should have to go though that, but I needed it. I hated what happened to you, but I needed what the ass had to offer." Olivia let a tear slide down her face

"you didn't need it, you wanted it, you wanted to get high and feel good. All right no one needs it, I didn't." Rachel scoffed

"Your wrong, not everyone gets high because the want to get high, they use it to forget."

"Yeah forget what a lifeless existence they have by using that shit. Face it Rach you did it to feel good, and you wanted it."

"That isn't true!" Rachel said angrilly with a tear falling down her face.

"Oh really then what is true?" Olivia said crossing her arms.

"Whats true is I used it to forget what my father did to me every night from the time I was five years old to the time I was twelve. Thats right, I lost my virginity to my own father!" Olivia eyes got wide and he face fell.

"Oh my god Rach, why didn't you ever tell me?" Rachel scoffed then wiped a tear away.

"Please, your life wasn't that much in order either. Hell the only reasons we were friends is because I saw you sobbing in the bathroom because your mother beat the fuck out of you with a frying pan. And besides, my mom walked in one night, and kicked him out and divorced him. So my event was over, and yours lasted until well, how is the bitch doing anyway?" Rachel hated Olivia's mother for what she did to Olivia. Olivia sighed and ran a hand though her short hair

"she died, five years ago this September. She um got drunk and fell down a flight of stairs." Rachel looked sad for a moment before she reached over and hugged her

"oh Liv girl, I'm sorry" Olivia reluctantly hugged her back.

"Its okay. But why didn't you ever tell me?" Rachel shrugged then let go of her.

"Please, it ended, and its not that big a deal."

"Yes it is a big deal, you were molested by your own father. Why didn't you tell me, or got help?"

"Because it ended, and frankly I dealt with it."

"Yeah, by doing drugs and shooting needles." Rachel rolled her eyes

"you did too"

"yeah but I paid for it, and I got off of it." Rachel just rolled her eyes as Olivia got a small card out of her desk drawer and handed one to Rachel.

"This is victims services they can help you" Olivia said handing her one of the cards she handed out to victims. Rachel took it, reluctantly, and stuffed it in her pocket. Olivia knew she wasn't going to call them.

"Whatever" Rachel sad putting her hand in one of her other pocket and pulling out a small needle.

"Rachel what the hell are you doing?" Olivia said angrilly. Rachel looked at her and rolled her eyes

"what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Are you so empty headed that your going to stick yourself with a needle when theres a cop right here?"

"um yeah" Rachel said looking at Olivia like she was saying the most obvious thing in the world.

"You promised me that you wouldn't do that shit whale I was with you, you promised me Rachel" Olivia said looking at the needle and wishing it was in her

"no, no Olivia, don't think that way" she said to herself fearfully. Rachel just threw her hands up in the air angrilly.

"Look just because you quit and you have the perfect life doesn't mean I'm gonna drop whatever I'm gonna do to please you."

"Rach please, just put it down" Olivia said pleadingly. Rachel glared at her.

"No! Look you may have the perfect life. The all American boyfriend, the nice apartment, the perfect job. But I don't, I need this. Alright I don't have the perfect life, I don't have a boyfriend that loves me and care for me. I need this."

"Don't you think I want it too!" Olivia said angrily

"all right don't you think I miss the feeling got when I would do that. The feeling that nothing is wrong in the world, nothing could hurt you. The feeling thats its just you and theres nothing else. Alright I miss it every damn day I'm on this planet. Every time I see a girl raped by her own father or some sick freak who says he 'loves' children. Or every time a women has the most precess thing taken away from her because her boyfriend couldn't wait." By now Olivia and Rachel had tears running down there faces.

"I need it just as much as you do, so don't tell me that I have the perfect life." Rachel looked at her for a moment before she spoke.

"So do it, you want to, you just told me you do. I know you want to have that feeling of security again, the feeling that theres no god or no devil, no heaven or no hell, no evil or good. You miss that feeling of just you and nothing else. Do it Olivia, you know you want that feeling." Olivia closed her eyes and remembered what it was like when she was high, she remembered it felt wonderful, and she would kill to feel that feeling again.

"I, I can't, I'm a cop" Olivia whispered. But Rachel didn't care, she just walked up to her, with the needle in hand.

"Don't give me that crap Liv, you don't care if your a cop or not. You want it, you need it more then you've needed something in your entire life, don't deny it Olivia." Rachel gently took Olivia's arm and ran the smooth part of the needle up her arm. Olivia closed her eyes and knew that if she stuck herself with that, then all the things she had bottled up in her, would disappear, and she wanted that so bad. Rachel stooped at the crease of her arm and stood the needle up and then looked up at Olivia, who just had her eyes closed. She gave Rachel a small nod, and Rachel stuck it in her. Olivia jumped at the slight pain, but then it was replaced by the flow that came from the needle

Please review


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own them, but I want to.

A/N: I'm still not talking to my step dad. It would be different if he just deleted my stories, but an E-mail directly from Mariska Hargitay, my idol, directly from her computer to mine, and he deleted it. That can't be replaced, so I ain't talking to him :) Also, I know at the end of this chapter, people are gonna be wondering if I do drugs. Well, I don't, I'm just writing what I see on TV, movies, and one of my friends who shall remain nameless. And I'm just making some stuff up.

Olivia jumped at the slight pain, but then it was replaced by the flow that came from the needle. Olivia almost instantly began to feel the effects of the drugs. Her whole body relaxed, and her vision became blurry and then the colors in the room began to change and mix together.

"Wow" Olivia said as she looked around the room, seeing it different for the first time.

"I know man. Its fucking amazing" Rachel said after she had stuck herself with the needle also. Olivia leaned her head back and saw the ceiling spinning and all the colors being blended.

"why the hell did I stop this" she wondered as the wall colors and the ceiling colors began to blend. She felt two arms wrap around her and then being brought closer.

"God I missed you Liv girl" Rachel said whispering as she also looked up.

"I missed you to Rach" Liv said mellowly. The colors began to spin faster and faster until they exploded into more colors, witch made Olivia gasp.

"God are you seeing this Rachel" Olivia asked in awe.

"I know, its fucking amazing"

'why the hell did I ever give this up?" Olivia wondered out loud.

"Because you became a fucking pig, and you arrest people like you." Olivia nodded in agreement, then continued to look up at the ceiling. Then there was a loud knock at the door.

"Damn it!" Olivia said loudly and angrilly getting up, and stumbling to the door, falling over her bedside desk as she made her way to the door.

"No Liv don't go please I miss you" Rachel said sadly.

"I know girl I miss you to. I'll be back though" Olivia said nearly missing the door. She stumbled over half of the things in the 'colorful' living room, and finally got to the door.

"Stop the god damn knocking!' she yelled even though the person knocking didn't knock. She opened it and saw a multi colorful Elliot looking confused.

"Hey its Elliot" she said in a mellowly voice smiling at him.

"Hey Liv, I thought that since it was our day off we could"

"El, El, El. Have you ever noticed, that your fucking blue and red" she said pointing at him. Elliot looked confused for a second

"um no. Liv are you okay?"

"how the hell can I not be okay. I'm a fucking goddess" she said twirling around, but she tripped. Elliot caught her before she hit the floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and smiled up at him

"Olivia whats wrong. You seem very"

"I seem like I want to be fucked" she said in a seductive voice looking in his eyes with a very glazed look in her eyes.

"Liv whats wrong with you?" Elliot said making his way over to her couch and sitting down. Olivia let go of his neck and then straddled him, then began kissing him, but Elliot pulled away.

"Liv, I want to know whats wrong with you. Now your not drunk because you don't have one once of alcohol scent on you. So what the hell is wrong with you.

"You don't want to fuck me? God are you some kind of fag" she said beginning to kiss his neck, but he pushed her away. He was about to say something, but Rachel came out of the bedroom, and tripped and fell to the floor. Olivia began to laugh, and Elliot looked at her oddly.

"Olivia what is the matter with you?" But all she could do was laugh.

"Damn Liv. When the fuck are you gonna get the bumps out of the god damn door way" Rachel said getting up. and making her way over to the couch.

"No, God can't you see I'm fucking busy over here" Olivia said whining and attempting to push her off her couch, but Rachel just pushed her back.

"Fucking busy is right. Damn, you probably got the sexist man in this whole goddamn planet."

"Hell yeah. And I love him to pieces"she said getting on top of him and kissing his neck again. Elliot just shock his head and gently pushed her off him.

"All right, what the hell is your fucking problem?" she said angrilly.

"What is your problem? God Olivia you act like your drunk or something"

"or high" Rachel said attempting to get off the couch, but falling back on it. Elliot scoffed and glared at Rachel

"Please, I don't know you at all. But I assure you Olivia is not hig-"

"Oh oh oh. You know what I want right now" Olivia said happily jumping up and down on the couch.

"oh let me guess. Mountain Dew and Chicken wing pizza?" Rachel said excitedly.

"Yeah. Holy fuck man, that sounds so good damn good right now " Olivia turned to Elliot and snuggled up next to him.

"Ellie? Will you pease get some Mountain Dew and Chicken wing pizza?"

"Olivia what is the matter with you?" he said a little bit angrilly.

"What is the matter with me, man what the hell is the fucking matter with you? You know what neva mind. Leave me alone. no, I'll leave you alone" she said getting off the couch, but falling back on it. But she tried again, and this time succeeded ion getting up, but as soon as she got up, she collapsed on the floor.

"Olivia!" Elliot said rushing over to her.

"Please, that beotch is flat off her ass high. Ain't no way you gonna be waking her up."

"Look I told you before, Olivia does not get high. Maybe its just something she ate or something." Rachel scoffed then got off her couch, then made her way into Olivia's bathroom.

"Yeah, check her God damn arm then if you think that your all American chicka is soo good and shit." Elliot looked as she made her way, difficulty into her bathroom. He looked down at Olivia, then flipped her over.

"Could she really be using?" no, no shes a cop. She would have told me. Plus, its not like shes some druggie." But still Elliot looked a little apprehensively.

"Well, maybe just one look at her arm won't kill me. Plus, I'll be able to shut that Rachel girl up" he thought to himself as he picked up her limp arm and looked at it.

Please review, I love being evil :)


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own anyone besides Rachel.

A/N Well, I began talking to my Step dad, since he pays the cable and Internet bills. But then he got really really pissed at me cause he ran out of cigarettes or something so he punched a hole in my wall and a ruined a great poster of Brad Pitt. So me and him aren't on speaking terms again

"Well, maybe just one look at her arm won't kill me. Plus, I'll be able to shut that Rachel girl up" he thought to himself as he picked up her limp arm and looked at it.

"No, I can't. I trust her. It can't be drugs, it can't. She would never do them." Elliot sighed then shaking her

"Liv wake up, now" Elliot said loudly. Olivia groaned softly, then opened her eyes.

"Elliot, what are you doing here?" she said groaning. That usually happened when she first started using. She would be really high for about a half hour, then she would just crash.

"I came over about ten minutes ago. Are you okay Liv?" he asked kindly. Olivia looked up at him, then her eyes got wide

"oh my God he saw me high!" she thought to herself fearfully.

"Um yeah I'm okay, why do you ask?" she said nervously. Elliot looked confused

"because you just acted completely, well, no offense, but like an idiot." Olivia looked down

"I did. Uh, what what did I do?" she asked a little fearfully.

"Well uh, you called me Ellie, you said I was red and blue, and you acted like, well, not yourself lets just say." Olivia looked down and sniffed

"why the hell did I do that shit" she wondered as a tear fell down her face. Elliot looked at her sadly

"Liv whats wrong?" She just looked up at him and felt another tear fall before she hugged him. He was confused for a second, then he hugged her back

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she said tears falling heavily off her face. Elliot just stroked her hair

"It's okay, its okay." They stayed like that for a few minutes before Rachel came out of the bathroom. Because she never gave up on it, she could stay high longer, and affected her more

"Aww, how romantic. The druggie and the cop together. You know what, they should make a TV movie about this" she said laughing. Olivia glared at her

"Shut up Rachel. I don't know what you talking about but I'm not a druggie" she said looking away. Rachel scoffed

"oh yeah okay. Oh Rachel why did I ever give this up, this is fucking amazing" she said mocking Olivia. Rachel laughed at Olivia's embarrassed look

"and besides, lover boy over here looked at your arm and saw the marks." Elliot glared at her

"your wrong. Look, I don't know who you are, or how you know Olivia, but I trust her, and she would never do drugs. Shes a cop for gods sake." Olivia looked away and held back tears

"oh Elliot if you only knew how wrong you are" she thought to herself. Rachel looked at him in shock.

"Oh god are you fucking kidding me! Okay, if shes such an all American chick, then why was she acting like she was fucking high, witch she was by the way?" Elliot glared at her

"I don't know, but she was not high" he said In a low angry voice. Rachel rolled her eyes then walked to the door.

"Whatever, hey I'm gonna get some chicken wing pizza and Mt dew. Oh and some Cheeto's, the crunchy kind not the poofy. I'll be back when I'm back!" she said shutting the door behind her. Elliot looked at Olivia, who couldn't look at him.

"Liv, why were you acting like that a few minutes ago?" he said softly. Olivia looked at him and shrugged

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe someone put something in my coffee this morning. I'm really not sure El. You believe me right?" she said hoping he trusted her, more then she was honest with him. Elliot smiled a kind smile at her

"I'll always trust you, whatever that Rachel girl says. Okay?" he asked kindly. Olivia nodded, then hugged him

"you have no idea how much I love you" Olivia said letting a tear fall down her face.

"I love you too" he said resisting the strong urge to look at her arm.

Please review


	9. Chapter 9

I own no one but the people my mind makes up.

A/N Well, this drama with my step dad is over with. He had to pay to fix the wall, and I realized theres a Recycling thing on the computer. So I got all my files back, including the E-mail from Mariska :)

"I'll always trust you, whatever that Rachel girl says. Okay?" he asked kindly. Olivia nodded, then hugged him

"you have no idea how much I love you" Olivia said letting a tear fall down her face.

"I love you too" he said resisting the strong urge to look at her arm. They released the hug, and Olivia looked down, and sniffed and Elliot lifted her head and turned her towards him.

"Are you okay Liv?" he said softly. Olivia looked back up at him and smiled a small smile, that Elliot didn't believe in one bit.

"yeah, I'm fine. You, uh, wanna get to work?"

"its Saturday Liv. I came over to see if you wanted to go get some lunch. But if your not up to it, then-"

"no, no I'm fine. Let me go get changed alright?" Elliot smiled at her, she was dressed in a black tank top, and a pair of black shorts

"oh, can I come with you?" Olivia went up to him, then wrapped her arms around him.

"well, what do I get if I let you come with me" she said seductively. Elliot smiled at her

"me"

"I think I'll take that offer" Olivia said kissing him. Elliot kissed her back, and brought her closer. They released the kiss, and Elliot began kissing her neck

"any one ever tell you how sexy you are?" he said pulling on the straps of her tank top.

"Yes, and I love hearing it" she said Olivia grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him, then led him to her bedroom. Elliot laid on the bed, and then Olivia got on top of him She took of his shirt, then kissed on the lips passionately. Elliot pulled off her tank top and ran his hands down her body, and pulled down her shorts. Olivia kissed him, then ran her hands over his bare chest.

"Not fair" she said kissing his bare chest

"whats not fair."

"You have on more clothes then me"

"I think you should fix that then" Elliot said smiling at her. Olivia slowly put her hands on the mid section of his jeans and slowly unzipped them and pulled down his jeans and boxers.

"God Liv" Elliot moaned softly as she kissed the skin just above his groin

"You like that, your gonna love this" she said seductively as she began giving small kisses to his groin

"Your right, you really have changed" Rachel said in the door way. Olivia quickly got off Elliot and pulled the covers over them, and glared at her. She had a large bag of crunchy Cheeto's in one hand, and a small piece of paper in the other.

"Damn it Rachel! Can you please get out of here?" Olivia said angrilly. Rachel just scoffed

"whatever. But like I said before, people never change."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Elliot said angrilly. He was mad at Rachel for interrupting them, and he was still mad at her for saying that Olivia got high.

"I'm talking about the fact that your girl over there used to do that exact same thing to hundreds of guys, just for a tiny bit of X."

"Damn it Rachel get the hell out of here!" Olivia yelled at her.

"Whatever" then she left. shutting the door behind her. Olivia looked over at Elliot, who just shock his head and looked over at Olivia.

"I'm sorry she did that" Olivia said sincerely.

"You know I'm really getting sick of her" Elliot said turning over to face her.

"I'm sorry El, but I can't just throw her out with no place to go."

"I can, watch me" Elliot said with all seriousness. Olivia just sighed then Elliot reached over and kissed her, but she just turned away.

"Whats wrong Liv?" Elliot said softly. Olivia looked at him, then turned away again with tears in her eyes.

"I just, I'm sorry" she said trying to hold back tears.

"Olivia, what are you sorry about? ever since Rachel came here, you've been really upset. Please tell me whats wrong?"

"I can't tell you" she said with more tears falling down her face,.

"Yes you can. I love you Liv, now please tell me whats wrong?"

"I can't! You don't understand!" she yelled at him. She wasn't mad, she was just really upset.

"Yes I do, please tell me Liv"

"I can't! Do you think I like keeping secrets from you? I hate it, but this just something that me and Rachel have to work out. Besides if I told you then" Olivia paused for a moment

"you wouldn't love me anymore" she said softly. Elliot got wide eyes

"Olivia, I would never, never stop loving you! No matter what happened between you and this Rachel girl. Do you understand?" Olivia nodded, even though she still had tears in her eyes.

"Now please, tell me whats going on. I promise you, I won't stop loving you. But if its that important that you can't tell me, then I respect that."

"how do you know? What if the thing I was so bad, that you started hating me?"

"I could never hate you. I love you to much" Elliot said sincerely

"and nothing, and I mean noting. Can make me stop loving you. So please, tell me whats wrong." Olivia nodded, wiped her tears, then looked at him

"okay. I'll tell you why I've been acting so wield all of a sudden." Olivia took a deep breath.

"Elliot, I'm not the girl you think you know. When I was younger. I did some things I'm not proud of."

"What Olivia, what'd you do?" Elliot said softly. Olivia took another deep breath

"well ,here goes everything" she thought to herself. She took another deep breath.

"Elliot, I used to..."

Will Elliot ever find out? What will happen if he does? Review and find out.


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own any people except the people my mind makes up.

A/N This chapter contains discussion, and acts of self mutilation. AKA, cutting your self. And to NikkiSixx15, Mariska's E-mail address is Enjoy :)

"Elliot, I used to"

"Hey Stabler! Some blond chick is here to see you!" Rachel shouted loudly, interrupting Olivia. Olivia sighed, then hung her head. Elliot also sighed then looked over at Olivia.

"I'll be right back okay? then you can tell me whats bothering you okay." Olivia shook her head

"no El its okay. I don't uh, lets not talk about this today?"

"But Liv, I really want to know whats going on with you."

"you will, but not now okay" Olivia said looking at him. Elliot sighed, then Rachel shouted out again

"hey lova boy, this chick really wants to talk to you!" Elliot sighed, rolled his eyes, then got out of bed, followed by Olivia. They both got dressed then went out to the living room where Kathy was standing in the doorway. After she and Elliot got divorced, they remained friends, and she encouraged him to get together with Olivia, and she was the one that picked out the ring for her.

"Kathy what are you doing here?" Elliot asked going up to her.

"I need to speak to you for a second in private" Kathy said softly. Elliot nodded, then turned to Olivia

"I'll be right back okay?" Olivia gave him a quick smile, then he and Kathy went outside in the hallway. Rachel scoffed, then turned to Olivia

"I think your American boy is cheating' on you with that blond bimbo."

"Hes not cheating on me, thats his ex wife. But another thing, why on gods green earth, would you walk on on me and Elliot having sex, then tell him, I did that to about one hundred guys for some X?" she said angrilly. Rachel scoffed

"cause I thought a guy as hot as that deserved to know the truth about his perfect girlfriend. Since you obviously won't tell him about yourself, about who you really are." Rachel began advancing on her.

"Your never gonna tell him, because your scared of the truth. The truth that your not all that perfect, the fact that you were once, and still are if I might add, a druggie, and a whore."

"Leave me alone!" Olivia yelled at her walking away, but Rachel followed her.

"No, because you know its true. You think your better then everyone else, just because you became a cop, and you went to rehab and all this other shit, but deep down, you want to do it again, deep down you miss the excitement. Deep down" Rachel added with a cold smile

"you know you want to cut yourself again." Olivia turned around to face her, and had a shocked look on her face. She never told anyone, not even Rachel that she used to be a cutter.

"Wha, what are you talking about" Olivia said nervously. Rachel smiled another cold smile at her.

"I'm talking about the fact that you used to drag that blade across your wrist, and you prayed that one day, you would be brave enough to press down. But you never got that brave did you? No, you like the feeling of playing god with yourself, knowing that the next cut could be your last. Do you still do it Olivia? hmm, do you? Do you still go into the bathroom, and get out your razer, and slice your wrists up." Olivia started to get tears in her eyes, but she held them in.

"I said leave me alone" Olivia said in a angry whisper. Rachel just smiled an evil smile at her, then went up to her, so that there was hardly an inch between them. Then she grabbed Olivia's arm and held it up, and looked at all the old faded scars.

"What, is Stabler so blind, that he can't see all the old marks? Or do you cover yourself up? With long sleeved shirts, and makeup, just to cover the past, that you want to relive. You want to cut yourself again, you want to be a whore, you want to do drugs. Because its who you are, you can never escape it. You say its so wrong to be like me, to do the shit I do, well at least I have the balls to say what I am, and to do the things I want to do. But you, you just wanna do what makes other people accept you. Your pathetic." Olivia let a tear fall down her face, then wrenched her arm out of Rachel's grasp. She forgot how mean Rachel was when she got high

"go to hell" she said in an angry whisper before going into the nearest room, the bathroom, and slamming the door. Olivia When she was gone Rachel laughed a small laugh, then sat on the couch, and ate her large bag of Cheeto's, not even caring about what she had just said. Olivia slid down the door, and started to cry.

"Why did she have to come back, I hate her" Olivia said with heavy tears rolling down her face.

"Why did she have to show up? I haven't seen her since high school, so why the hell did she have to come back and ruin my life." Olivia flt more tears fall, before she wiped them away.

"No, I'm not gonna let that bitch make me cry" she said standing up and wiping her eyes. she went to the sink, and looked at her self in the cheap mirror she used to replace the broken one. When she was still using, she used to hate to look at herself in the mirror, she hated who she saw. She hated the fact she did drugs, and cut herself.

"And yet you did it every single day" she thought sadly. She sighed, then looked at her arm, and wanted to cringe. All over her arm, was scars, needle marks and one fresh mark that she just got put in her. She traced the cuts with one of her finger, and felt more tears fall down her face.

"Shes right, I want to do it again, I want that feeling." Olivia sighed again, then picks up a small razor on the sink and holds it up and looks at it.

"Do I really wanna do it? Do I really want to cut myself again? Am I really that weak and pathetic, that I can't control what I do?" Olivia sighed, then put the razor to her wrist.

"Why the hell did she have to come here, just when I got my life together."

"Is she right though? I mean, do I wanna have that excitement again? You know whats gonna happen if you do." Olivia sighed again, then looked at her self in the mirror, and heard all the people who made her cut. The man who raped her groaning, her mother calling her a loser junkie, Rachel telling her that she was pathetic. m Olivia feels another tear fall down, then looks at the razor, and then, as if the blade was controlling her, she dragged it across her skin. It stung, so she let out a small cry, and dropped the razer.

"Oh no" Olivia said when she saw the stream of blood flowing from her wrist to the floor. She panics and grabs the towel from the rack and quickly tries to clean up the blood. Meanwhile, Elliot and Kathy has finished there conversation in the hall.

"So, he'll be at Little Italy at around seven thirty?" Elliot said stepping into the apartment. Kathy smiled at him

"Yeah, you said romantic violin right?" Elliot nodded

"right. I can't tell you how much this means to me Kathy. I mean, most ex wives would never agree to help there ex husbands with this sort of thing. Kathy shrugged, then smiled at him.

"I just wanna see you happy El, and Olivia makes you happy." They smiled at each other again before Rachel interrupted them.

"Um, who the hell are you? she said opening a can of Mt Dew. Elliot looked over and gave her a half glare

"This is my ex wife Kathy Stone. Kathy, this is Olivia's friend Rachel."

'Nice to meet you" Kathy said giving her a small smile. Rachel scoffed

"ex husband? why the hell would you give up this fuckin' fine ass man?" Kathy shrugged, and opened her mouth, but Rachel interrupted her.

"Any way whatever, your scraps are getting picked up by some junkie, so. Guess you really gave up a good one if he picks some chick that gives head for drugs." Elliot glared at her again, then turned to Kathy, who just looked confused.

"Anyway thanks Kathy, this means a lot to me. But I got a lot of planning tonight, so I'll see you later."

"Wait Elliot, what is she talking about?" she said confused. Elliot shock his head

"I'm not sure, shes a little messed up. So I'll see you later okay, bye thanks again." He closed the door, then turned to Rachel and glared at her

"okay. I have no clue in hell, why your so, cruel to Olivia, but don't you call her a junkie again." Rachel scoffed

"I'm so such a lier, then why is your girl in the bathroom cutting herself up right now."

"Olivia is not a cutter" Elliot said glaring at her again. Rachel rolled her eyes

"wow, cops really believe what they wanna hear. Trust me, shes a cutter. If you don't believe me, go in the bathroom and see what your 'innocent' girlfriend is doing." Elliot glared at her, but then went over to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

"Oh no" Olivia thought to herself as she tried to get the blood to stop from flowing out of her arm.

"Liv you okay?" Elliot said thought the door.

"Fine, I'll be out in a second" she said wrapping gauze around it to match the bandage on her hand.

"Please stop bleeding, please stop bleeding" she pleaded silently as she mad the bandage tighter and opened the door.

Please review,


	11. Chapter 11

I don't own any people except the people my mind makes up.

A/N to imac: I did have a warning. If u read the Authors note, I said, and I quote "This chapter contains discussion, and acts of self mutilation. AKA, cutting your self." And to NikkiSixx15, Mariska's E-mail address is: mariska shift 2 I don't know why it didn't work last time. Maybe because of the signal Enjoy :)

"Please stop bleeding, please stop bleeding" she pleaded silently as she made the bandage tighter and opened the door. She opened the door to see Rachel on the couch, and Elliot in front of her, looking concerned. She put on a fake smile, even though she was nervous. She felt the blood tickle down her arm, and prayed to god that Elliot wouldn't notice it. But him, being a detective, instantly saw it.

"Olivia, your bleeding, what happened?" he asked in concern.

"Oh that? I cut myself on the mirror last night, it opened up again" she said trying to be convincing. Elliot nodded and Rachel scoffed.

"Oh yeah okay. Please, you were in there slicing yourself up, don't lie" Rachel said not even turning away from the TV and picking up a piece of chicken wing pizza. Olivia glared at her before going up to her.

"Dude, your blocking the TV" Rachel said trying to look past her.

"Shut up!" she said angrilly at her

"no really your blocking the TV." Olivia turned around and shut off the TV and then turned around and glared at her again.

"Okay, I'm not gonna get pissed at you for that, but turn it back on."

'I said shut up. I want you out of this house now! You've done nothing, but pissing me off, and being a bitch and I want you out of my house now!" she said angrilly. Rachel scoffed

"your really going to throw me out, me, your best friend in the entire world, with no place to go. I could get mugged, or shot, or raped" she added knowing that last one would get her.

"Go to a shelter, go to one of your suppliers house, hell go to Mexico and raise cattle. I really don't give a shit what happens to you or where you go, as long as it isn't in my house. Now, get out." Rachel sniffed

"Liv girl, please, I'm sorry, I got no where to go, I just, I need a place to stay. I'm sorry, please, I wont e a bitch anymore, please, let m stay" she said making a tear fall down her face.

"Tough shit, I ain't falling for it, now get out, or I'll throw you out." Rachel stopped the tears and stood up. Although Olivia was tall, Rachel was taller.

"You really wanna threaten me?"she said getting right in her face. Olivia glared at her

"yes, now, get the fuck out of my face, and out of my house." Rachel glared at her for a moment and stepped closer before Elliot came over.

"She said get out, and if you don't leave right now, you and me are going to have problems. Then, after I beat your junkie ass, I'm going to arrest you" he said sternly. Rachel turned to him before turning back to Olivia.

"you got a good man, keep him, he suits you." She grabbed her bag of Cheeto's then walked out the door. Olivia sighed then sat down on her couch. Elliot followed suit and Olivia rested her head on his shoulders, and Elliot began stroking her hair.

"You did the right thing" he said softly .

"Then why do I feel so bad" she said also softly.

"Liv, I don't know, what kind of relation ship you two had, or have, or what she did or didn't do to or for you. But I know that you were hurt, and that your going to be happier with out her here." Olivia nodded before Elliot spoke again.

"Want some pizza?" Olivia smiled a sad smile before she moved closer to him.

"No, I just wanna be with you." Elliot nodded before adjusting himself so that his back was to one of the arms of the couch, and he was holding her in his arms.

"I love you" she said tiredly.

"I love you too, I always have, and I always will." Olivia smiled before closing her eyes. For some reason, she was so tired, and she felt so comfortable in Elliot's arms, that she fell asleep.

7 PM.

Olivia woke up with a blanket on her and looked around, the apartment was empty.

"Elliot?" she said looking around, but he wasn't there. She groaned then looked over at the coffee table. There was a note on it. She picked it up and looked at it.

"Liv, had to go do something very important. Didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful sleeping, plus, when was the last time that you got a decent sleep?"

"amen to that" Olivia thought to herself as she continued to read the note.

"I should have told you earlier, but I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight? Call my cell if you have plans. Hopefully, you'll read this in time that you have time to get ready. I'll pick you up at around eight if you want to go. Love always Elliot." Olivia rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Leave it up to me to wake up an hour before my boyfriend is gonna pick me up for dinner" she thought as she got up and made her way to the shower. She quickly got in the hot pray. Ten minutes later, she got out, blow dried her hair, then went into her bedroom closet.

"Why don't I have anything to wear" she thought to herself as she sighed and looked though her closet. She picked out a spaghetti strapped red knee length dress, with a red silk jacket if she happened to get cold. She went back into the bathroom and applied her make up, including the cover up on her arm, then comped and did her hair. It seemed like she had just put on her shoes when Elliot knocked on the door.

"It's open" she yelled from her bed room. Elliot came in and took a deep breath. Hopefully,Olivia didn't have any clue what he was gonna do tonight. She came out of the bedroom, smiling.

"wow, you look amazing" he said going up to her.

"Thank you, you don't look half bad yourself" she said tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Elliot wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. After he released it. she smiled at him.

"I ever tell you how amazing you are at kissing me?" Olivia said smiling.

"Yes, but I love hearing the sound of your voice." Olivia looked down then back at him.

"So, you ready to go, wouldn't want to keep our ride waiting" Elliot said with a smile.

"A ride? what happened your car break down?" Elliot shook her head

"no, it's a surprise."

"Fine fine, but it better be a good one."

"Oh its the best" Elliot said as they made the way to her door. They closed the door and Olivia locked it before they both rode the elevator down. They made the way though the lobby before Olivia spotted there ride. When she did ,she got wide eyes.

"Oh my god, how did you manage this?" she said as she looked at the white limo. Elliot shrugged then smiled

"the night is young, and full of surprises." She looked at him, still in shock, before she kissed him. After she was done, Elliot smiled at her.

"Come on, we're gonna be late" he said as he opened the door for her.

"And they say chivalry is dead" she said as she took his hand as he helped her in the car.

"What can I say, I'm old fashioned" he said getting in the limo.

"So, you wanna tell me where we going ?"

"Again my dear Olivia, the night is young and full of surprises" he said getting out two glasses and pouring champaign in them. He handed one to her, then took a drink out of the other.

"So, you really ain't gonna tell me?" Olivia said slyly. Elliot shook his head

"nope, and you ain't gonna get it out of me."

'Wel, what if I" then she leaned in and whispered something to him. He got wide eyes, then as Olivia leaned away from him, he looked at her.

"Wow, where did you get such a dirty mind?" she shrugged then smiled slyly

"so, will you tell me?"

"well, as much as that sounds inviting, I told you , its a secret." Olivia rolled her eyes then took another sip of her champaign. The rest of the ride was filled with them talking and laughing. After a few minutes, the limo stopped.

"Okay, now, close your eyes" he said looking at her. Olivia looked at him questingly before she closed her eyes. He smiled then opened the door then led her out.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay" he said taking her by the hand and leading her into the restaurant.

"Your not like, trying to see what i look like sleeping are you?"

"nope, just hang on, watch your self, we got steps" he said leading her down the front steps. He led her into the main lobby, then stood behind her and out his hands over her eyes.

"Elliot whats going on?" she said smiling.

"You'll see, now open them" he said uncovering her eyes. she opened them, then gasped in slight shock. She was in a very fancy restaurant, but it didn't look like one. There were roses surrounding the table, and roses came down from the ceiling There was only one table in the middle of the floor, complete with roses and candle light. There was a violinist playing a slow romantic a few feet form the table, and a waiter standing next to it. She turned to Elliot with wide eyes and a shocked expression.

"Yo, you did all this?" He nodded

"your worth it" he said kindly. Olivia begged herself not to let a tear escape.

"you are so getting whatever you want tonight" she said holding back tears. He shrugged

"again, your worth it." They smiled at him then they walked to the table. Elliot pulled her chair out and then sat down in his.

"Would you like some champagne mam?" the waiter said in a French accent.

"Yes thank you" Olivia said in awe that Elliot did all this. The waiter pured her some before offering some to Elliot, who also took some.

"I'll be back in a moment with tonights selection.

"Wow Elliot, this is absolutely beautiful" she said looking around the restaurant.

"Beautiful place, for a beautiful women." They smiled at each other before Elliot took a deep breath.

"Olivia, there's something I wanna talk to you about" he said kind of nervously.

"Whats wrong?" she said as she took a sip of her champagne.

"Nothing, oh god nothings wrong, but I-" just then Olivia's cell phone rang.

"Shit, I'm sorry Elliot" she said as she fumbled with her phone to answer it.

"No problem" he said holding back a sigh. He asked Cragen and paid him off to not disturb Olivia and him tonight.

"Benson" she said sorry that her phone was interrupting there dinner.

"Olivia" a tearful voice said at the other line.

"Rachel?" Olivia said questingly tone.

"Rachel? why the hell is she calling you tonight?" Olivia shrugged.

"Yeah, um, I need help" she said tearfully.

"Whats going on?"

"I, I was attacked" Rachel said letting out a sob.

"What? were you raped?"

"no, but some guy, he got really rough with me, and he beat me up. Please, I just need somewhere to sleep tonight." "okay, where are you" she said hurriedly.

"Whats going on?" Elliot said confused.

"At a party, on North End Rd, house 7765. Please, hurry" then she hung up. Olivia hung up her phone then looked at Elliot, feeling horrible.

"I'm sorry, Rachel was attacked." Elliot nodded

"it's okay Liv, really" although he felt bad about Olivia leaving on what was supposed to be a really special night.

"No it's not, look, I'm just gonna pick her up, then ask a taxi driver to bring her to my apartment. I promise I won't be gone more then five minutes." Elliot nodded then Olivia stood up and got on her coat.

"Thank you, I promise I'll be right back"

"don't worry about it." Olivia smiled at him before going out the door. He sighed then leaned back in his chair

"she'll be back, it's not like shes gonna go partying or whatever" he thought to himself. But deep deep down. He thought that what Rachel had said about her was true.

"No, no its not, she's not a cutter and shes not a druggie. I've made love to her, I would have seen the scars."

"But theres always make up" the nagging little voice in the back of his mind said.

"No, she wouldn't do that, shes a cop, she would have told us." but as much as he told himself that, Rachel's word still stung in his head.

"Maybe she is a junkie and a cutter, but she would have told me if she had a problem. Wait, maybe thats what she was gonna tell me this afternoon. No, I love her, and I'm not gonna believe some Junkie whore over Olivia's word." But as hard as he tried to believe that, the more he realized, that maybe, just maybe, Rachel was right.

North End Road, house number 7765

Olivia pulled up in the cab and paid the driver.

"Stay, I'll only be a few minutes" she told the cabby. He nodded then Olivia sighed then went and entered the house. Instantly, the sound of extremely loud Heavy metal, and people talking filled her ears. And the smell of drugs filled her senses.

"Rachel always said, when you've been around it long enough to smell each drug separately, then your a true junkie" Olivia thought sadly to herself as she could tell the difference between each drug.

"Speed, X, pot, crank, hemp, Acid" Olivia thought to herself as the smells infested her nose. She sighed then made her way though the house. A man about thirty jumped in front of her.

"wow, you are like, so fucking hot" he said highly. Olivia rolled her eyes before pushing past him.

"Rachel!" she yelled over the loud music.

"Damn it Rachel where are you!" she shouted again. Then she spotted her, talking and laughing to a few guys and inhaling a joint. Olivia went up to her.

"Rachel, whats going on are you okay?" she said looking her over. She didn't see one bruise on her.

"Olivia, hey man you made it. Dude, this party is cranking!" she yelled out. It was obvious that she was high.

"What? Rachel, were you attacked?"

'No man, but you needed to have some fun in your life." Olivia glared at her.

'I left, probably the most romantic date I ever had in my entire life to come pick you up, and it was all a joke? What the hell were you doing Rachel?"

"You were on a date? Oh that explains the dress, but it didn't go down like that. Look, just take one needle, one needle, you know you want to" Rachel said holding up a needle filled with a orange substance. Olivia looked at the needle, and felt the sensations going though her again.

'No, I have a date with Elliot, and I got to get back. Now look, stay out of my house and my life, don't contact me again." Although she wanted to have the needle stuck in her. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Liv girl, look, I ain't gonna pressure you. Okay that a lie, but come on, one needle ain't gonna hurt you"

"like this afternoons didn't?"

'That was totally different. That was like, the most extreme shit I could get, this shit, it's just to mellow out man. Come on Liv, one prick." Olivia looked at the needle then back at Rachel.

"One prick ain't gonna hurt you, then I'll go right back to Elliot" she said wanting that needle more then anything in the world. Olivia nodded then stuck out her arm, witch Rachel gratefully pricked.

"See, now don't you feel better?" Rachel said smiling evilly. She lied to her, it was a very strong drug that she just gave her. Olivia saw the room begin to swirl in different colors.

"Yo, you lied to me, you said it was just to mellow out" Olivia said trying to be angry at her.

"It is man, but this shit is also like, wow."

"That made no sense, I gotta go." She turned around, but she wasn't sure where the door was.

"Rachel ,where the hells the door?" she said the room swirling again.

"Shut up, just enjoy it, god." Then she don't know where it came from, but she felt herself gotten stuck with something els.

"alright, who the fuck was that" Olivia said turning around, or trying to anyway."

"Olivia, come on, it's just a few needles, it'll be fine. For once since you got this life, have some fucking fun in it." Olivia agreed, then she saw a hand filled with bright red pills. She took a few and swallowed them. After that, she took anything she could get her hands on, she was to high to remember her date with Elliot, and was way to high to say no to anything, or any one. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she didn't care. She realized that she couldn't find Rachel.

"Rachel" she cried out, stumbling though the mass of people.

"Damn it Rach where the fuck are you?" she yelled out, but she wasn't sure anyone could hear her over the music. She took another step then felt very dizzy.

"Rachel, Rachel where, are, you." Then she took another step, then passed out. Two guys high on Meth came over to her.

"Fuck dude, I like, know that chick" one of the guys said.

"Dude she is like so fucking hot man. Like, damn" the other one said.

"I know her from somewhere, but where? Oh shit you know who that is? Thats the sex cop, she arrested Danny for fucking that fifteen year old ho!" The second guy took another look at her.

"Holy shit your right dude! That is the chick that arrested him. Holy shit, I didn't know she was that hot!"

"Well, she ain't doing anything, come on help me with her" he said grabbing her arms.

"Why, what the fuck are you doing dude?" he said grabbing her legs.

"Just shut up man, holy shit your annoying." They brought her to one of the empty bedrooms and threw her down on the bed.

"So, now what do we do?" The first guy went up and smacked him in the head.

"We have a sexy hot women, unconscious, on a bed, that arrested one of our like best friends, and your wondering what we're gonna do to her?" the guy said angrilly.

"Sorry man, but I" then he thought of something .

"Dude, are you thinking what I am" he said pulling out a small digital camera. The first guy nodded

"Oh yeah, now thats the shit I'm talking about" he said getting on top of her and pulling off her clothes.

Little Italy, 11:30 PM.

The waiter went up to Elliot, who was sitting depressed in his chair.

"Sir, do you still want the violinist playing? He said he is getting tired. Do you want him to continue?" Elliot sighed then pulled something out of his pocket, then turned to the waiter.

"No, tell him its off, tell the chef thank yo for his services, but I won't need them any longer." The waiter nodded, the noticed the sadness in Elliot's eyes.

"I'm sorry sir, I know how much you wanted this to work" then he left Elliot, looking depressed. He sighed then opened the thing he had took out of his pocket.

"Five minutes, yeah right" he said looking at the engagement ring he was going to give her tonight.

Please review!


	12. Chapter 12

I own no one but my own people.

9:30 Am, North End Road, house number 7765.

Olivia woke up and looked around. She was in an unknown bedroom on an lumpy uncomfortable bed. She looked down and her dress was all wrinkled and it looked like it was slightly unzipped.

"What the hell happened last night" she wondered as she got up. But then, a sharp pain ran though her thighs. She cried out in pain then fell to the floor.

"Oh my God what happened to me?" she wondered worriedly. She got up again and then walked out of the room to find herself in a messy, bad looking house.

"Where the hell am I?" she said as she looked around. The last thing she could remember was picking up Rachel telling her that a needle was just gonna mellow her out.

"Then I took it" she said fearfully to herself. she quickly looked down at her arm and looked at in wide eyes. All up and down her arm was track marks and needle stabs.

"Oh my god, I got high and passed out." She quickly looked around and spotted Rachel passed out on the couch. She went over and shook her awake

"Rachel, get up now" she said a little angrilly. She was so mad that she called her to break off her date with Elliot and then got her high. She opened her eyes and looked at her

"dude, you look like crap" she said tiredly.

"Shut up, now you are not going to call me, come in contact, or do have anything to do with me." She looked at her in confusion for a moment

"what? Dude, I am like way to tired for this shit right now." Olivia rolled her eyes then saw her coat underneath another man that was sleeping on the couch. She went over to him, picked up his head then dropped it back down roughly, and he didn't wake up.

"Leave me alone" she said angrilly to Rachel before walking away

"So I'll see you tonight?" she said after her. Olivia paused for a moment, but just ignored her and then walked out of the house.

"Fucking cunt!" she said angrilly before seeing the cab she took last night. She went up to the car and looked in the window, the driver was passed out. She decided that she rally didn't want to pay a cab fare for the entire night so she just hailed another one.

"Where too?" the driver said as she got in

"Van Goe apartments"

"You look like you've been though hell, what happened to you?" the driver said he drove off. She looked in the rear view mirror and was a little embarrassed at what she saw. Her hair was a big mess, her makeup was completely ruined and her outfit was wrinkled and one of her sleeves was ripped

"What did I do last night?" she thought to herself fearfully.

"Oh my god" she thought to herself feeling badly

"I left Elliot at the date last night." She groaned then ran a hand though her hair

"he's gonna hate me" she said softly

"I'm sure he won't hate you" the driver said looking in the rear view mirror at her. she looked at him

"No offense sir, you don't even know what I'm talking about.

"Yeah, you obviously did something wild last night, and now you think some ones gonna hate you. I've been in this business long enough to have heard almost every type of story. So come on why don't you tell me what's wrong." Olivia scoffed

"you don't even know me or the guy I'm talking about."

"Your right, but I have heard enough problems to help out, so you wanna tell me whats wrong?"

"You know what" she said getting a little annoyed by the driver

"I'm not in the mood at all to be lectured by you, so just please drive me to the place I told you and leave me alone."

"Fine fine, jeesh people in this city can be real bitches" he said softly but right now she didn't care who called her a bitch. She usually was never this rude to a person, but she was to worried right now.

"I'm late, I got high last night, Elliot's probably mad at me, and it's one hundred degrees out and I'm gonna have to wear a long sleeve shirt. This day sucks" she thought to herself. She sighed then rested her head against the window and then her cell phone rang.

"No" she groaned before answering it.

"Benson" she said trying to sound tired

"Olivia, where are you?" Munch said worriedly.

"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna be coming in late today. Is Cragen mad?"

"no but count your stars that he had a meeting with the Morris Commission today, and funny it was about getting you promoted to first grade detective. Your lucky he's not here right now."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I just had a rough night. Will you please tell him if he gets there before me that I'll be there as soon as I can?"

"Yeah alright, hey do you know why Elliot's so down today?" Olivia closed her eyes and yelled at herself

"yeah it's between me and him. Is he there right now?"

"Nope, went out and got coffee, but he just seemed really depressed. Well I got to go, I'll see you when you get here."

"Wait Munch, can you do me a favor and look in my locker for some spare clothes?"

"What? why whats going on?"

"Cause I'm in a cab right now and I'll be there sooner if I just go there instead of going to my house and changing."

"Alright hang on, whats your combination?"

"16, 9, 28" she waited a moment before John talked again.

"You have a pair of jeans a T shirt and two things that really only a female should say to another female, a pair of socks and sneakers. Plus gun, holster and badge" Olivia groaned silently

"are you sure theres no long sleeve shirt there?"

"nope, just what I mentioned. And it's almost one hundred degrees out, why would you need a long sleeve shirt?"

"Never mind, I'll be there soon" then she hung up the phone and got out her purse.

"Change of plans, can you take me to the 1-6 precinct instead?" she said getting out a small brush and began to run it though her hair.

"Oh I thought we weren't supposed to talk to each other?" the driver said sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm paying you, you do what I ask. I had a rough night and I just want you to take me to the 1-6 precinct" she said agitated. The man mumbled something in Spanish before turning down a road. She quickly brushed out her hair and then began to remove the smudged makeup from last night and apply fresh, but she didn't know what to do about her arm. She forgot the cover up and didn't have a long sleeve shirt.

"You'll be okay Olivia" she told herself taking a deep breath.

"Just keep on your jacket and everything will be fine" but she knew someone would ask questions. She quickly pulled on her jacket and then finished getting her self ready before the ab driver stopped in front of the precinct. Olivia got out and shut the door behind her

"that'll be thirty two fifty" the driver said nastily

"What!" she yelled in protest

"that was a fifteen dollar ride tops!" The driver shrugged

"got to account for the destination you were originally gonna go to" he said smugly. Olivia glared at him before tossing him a twenty and a five.

"Keep the change you bastard" then she walked inside. She walked to her locker, ignoring the whistle that one of the desk jockeys gave her and opened it. Munch and Fin came up to her

"where the hell have you been? Your three hours late!" Fin whispered angrilly.

"I'm not in the mood Fin, I just came in a little late today so drop it" she said pulling the clothes out of her locker.

"Nuh uh, your never late, where the hell have you been? And why are you in a dress and high heels?" Munch asked also in an angry whisper. She slammed her locker shut and glared at them

"look, I'm really not in the mood today. So unless you both want to be circumcised, I suggest you both shut your mouths and worry about your selfs" she said angrilly before storming to the bathroom. Fin and Munch just looked after her before Fin thought of something.

"Buffett was in here yesterday saying that she's staying with Olivia, she's acting really wield, and she had on a silk jacket when it's 100 degrees outside. I wonder?" She quickly went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. She went up to one of the mirrors and held back tears as she looked at her reflection.

"You'll be fine, don't cry, don't cry" she willed herself. She took a deep breath then took off her jacket and looked at her arm and flinched again.

"Oh god what have I done!" she thought to herself fearfully. She took a deep breath and ordered herself to not cry. She quickly wiped away an un fallen tear and then unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. She quickly dressed into her street clothes then looked at her arm again. It really was way to hot for the silk jacket, plus some one was bound to say something if she kept it on all day.  
"Maybe no one will notice anything if I just kept my arm down" she told herself. She thought about it for a moment before someone opened the door and Olivia spun around nervously.

"Oh my God!" Fin said with wide eyes and a shocked expression as he saw the marks on Olivia's arm.

Will Fin tell someone what he saw? What will happen to Olivia if he does? Review and find out :)


	13. Chapter 13

I own no one but my own people.

"Maybe no one will notice anything if I just kept my arm down" she told herself. She thought about it for a moment before someone opened the door and Olivia spun around nervously.

"Oh my God!" Fin said with wide eyes and a shocked expression as he saw the marks on Olivia's arm. He quickly went up to her but she just turned around and tried to hide her arm.

"I think your in the wrong bathroom" she said nervously. He went up to her and grabbed her arm with the scars on it. Olivia tried to fight him for a moment but it was useless, he saw the marks.

"What is this?" he asked a little angrilly looking at the scars. Olivia pulled away but Fin just held on her arm tighter.

"Let go of me" she said forcefully.

"No, what the hell is this Liv? Is there something your hiding." Olivia tried to pull away but he just held on.

"Let me go and I'll tell you" she said not having any intention to. He looked at her for a moment before he released her arm. Olivia glared at him for a moment before sighing and leaning up against the sink.

"Okay I let you go, now tell me what the hell is up with those marks."

"I can't" she said simply

"bull shit you can't girl, tell me why you have track marks and cuts on your arm."

"No I really can't, I haven't even told Elliot and we're dating. It's just something that I have to keep to myself." Fin shrugged, fifteen years of being in Narcotics taught him how to get people to talk.

"Fine, then I guess you can tell Cragen then" he said making his way to the door. Olivia ran and blocked the door

"no! You can't tell him what you saw" she said forcefully and a little bit afraid.

"Then tell me where you got those marks" Fin said crossing his arms. Olivia sighed then looked down, she hated herself right now. She never wanted to find out and here she was telling one of her best friends that she used drugs and she cut.

"Fine, but you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone. I mean it, you promise right now that you will keep your mouth shut." He thought for a moment before he spoke

"I promise, now tell me how you got your marks." Olivia sighed then went over to one of the sinks and leaned against it again.

"I'm not who you think I am. I used to do a lot of bad shit when I was younger. When I was thirteen, I met Rachel and she was already into everything. Drugs, needles, cutting, the whole deal. We became friends and I started to." She paused for a moment, this would be the first person she told in nearly sixteen years about what she did.

"I, I used to do drugs" she said hastily.

"And it wasn't just drugs, it was needles, pills, anything I could get my hands on. I also used to whore myself to get them. Please don't hate me" she said pleadingly. Fin was silent for a moment, Munch, Elliot and him all thought that Olivia would have been rebellious when she was younger because of her mother, but they never would have expected something like this. He looked at her for a moment, she was struggling to keep the tears from falling .

"And do you still do them?" he said sternly but softly. Olivia shook he head

"no" she said avoiding his gaze.

"Now your lieing" he said a little angrilly

"no I'm not, I haven't done them since I was seventeen" she said avoiding his gaze again.

"Bull shit, I saw those marks Liv, some of them are old, but a lot of them are brand new. So don't lie and tell me that you don't still do it."

"It was one time!" she yelled at him

"last night Rachel called and said that she had been attacked and she asked me to come get her. When I got there she was fine. She persuaded me to get stuck with one needle, I don't remember what happened after that" she said holding back tears again.

"You stupid son of a bitch, what the hell were you thinking?" he yelled at her.

"I'm sorry! I didn't want to, but then she just sounded so, i don't know. I missed it, you don't know how hard it was for me to give up. Then she comes riding back into my life and I'm just supposed to ignore it?"

"Yes! Olivia this isn't high school, what the hell is she gonna do if you said no, spread rumors that you slept with the football caption?"

"I said I was sorry, I'm not going to do it again, so can we please just drop it?"

"No, tell me about the cuts" he said trying to hold back his anger.

"I used to cut, end of story.

"I said don't lie to me, those are fresh cuts Olivia, tell me whats going on with you."

"Yesterday she just got me so worked up that, and she kept reminding me of what I did, and how I want to do it again. I just snapped and I had to cut." Fin shook his head

"you need help, I gotta tell Cragen"

"no!" she yelled desperately

"you promised that you wouldn't tell."

"And that was before I found out that one of my best friends is doing drugs."

"I am not doing drug, it was one time, please, it'll never happen again. Please Fin, if you were a true friend you wouldn't tell Cragen."

"Don't even start with that shit! I should tell just for you pissing me off by saying that" he said angrilly. Fin sighed then there was a few moments of silence pass between them.

"Does Elliot know?" he asked gently

"no, no one does. Your the only one" she said looking down. He nodded then sighed

"I should turn you in, but you swear on your life that it was only one time?"

"Yes, I will never do it again" she said truthfully.

"You better not, if you do, I'm gonna have to report it, you know that right?" Olivia nodded then looked up at him

"thank you, you don't know how much this means to me." He shrugged

"you my girl, I'm always gonna look out for you." Olivia nodded then sighed

"Um Fin, I really think you should get out now. This is the girls bathroom after all." He nodded then looked down at her arm again.

"All this time, I can't believe no one caught on. How the hell did you keep it covered?"

"Make up and long sleeve shirts. But today I don't have any of those" she said sadly.

"I'll let you wear my hoodie if you want." Olivia scoffed

"Fin, may I remind you that I'm a size small shirt, and your an XL?" He shrugged again

"tie a knot in the back of it and it'll be all good."

"No thanks, I'll just keep it covered all day."

"You know someones gonna see though."

"What choice do I have though?" Just then Casey walked in the bathroom

"Uh Fin, what are you doing in here?" she said confused. He went up to her

"do you have any cover up in your purse?" he said eagerly.

"Yes why?" she said confused.

"Can I use it?" She took out a small square case of cover up and handed it to him. He took it

"thanks, you gotta go now."

"But this is the womens bathroom, shouldn't you be going?"

"Nope, now will you please go?" Casey scoffed then crossed her arms.

"No, not until you tell me whats going on?"

"me and Olivia are having an affair, now will you please leave? Damn you nosy." Casey got wide eyes then turned to Olivia

"Oh my god, is this true?" Olivia shrugged

"yeah now will you go now?"

"Wow, I knew that you liked Fin instead of Elliot I won't tell anyone I promise, your twos secret is safe with me" she said happily then left.

"We're having an affair? That was the best thing you could think of?" Fin shrugged

"it got her out didn't it? Here, remember your promise" he said handing her the small compact of cover up. Olivia took then looked at him.

"Thanks Fin, you don't know how much this means to me."

"Yeah yeah, but you have to promise me Olivia, no more of whatever your doing." She nodded then gave him a small smile

"thank you so much for keeping this a secret, you don't have any idea what this means to me." Fin shrugged and gave her a small grin

"you my girl, I have to watch out for you" then he left. He closed the door behind him and sighed

"am I really doing the right thing? Should I tell Cragen?" he thought to himself

"no, but shes your best friend, and she promised that she will never try anything like that again. And besides, its not like I used to e one hundred percent innocent" he told himself thinking of the many times he and his friends used to get high when he still in school. He sighed then went to his desk

"hey Fin, Casey told me that you and Olivia had a secret that you were keeping form us, what is it?" Fin shook his head

"never trust a blond" he mumbled before looking up at him

"its nothing that concerns you" he said before sitting down at his desk.

"Fine fine, you want to keep a little secret from your fantastic partner, the man that watches your back and would gladly take a shot for you, thats your choice" Munch said pretending to be hurt and sitting down at his desk. Fin sighed then looked as Olivia came out of the bathroom and sat down at her desk. There eyes met for a brief moment before she turned away and began on her paper work, acting like nothing was happening. She worked for a moment before Elliot came in carrying four cups of coffee. He looked a little depressed. Olivia looked up at him

"hi" she said softly

"hey" he said also softly. He handed the coffees out before going over to the water cooler. Olivia got up and followed

"look Elliot I'm really sorry about what happened last night. I mean I just-"

"no its okay, forget it" he said shrugging as if the date had meant nothing to him.

"I went to pick er up and she was really upset about her attack so I just stayed with her all night" she said looking down. Elliot could tell she was lieing but decided not to push it

"you should have called me. I was at that restaurant until eleven thirty at night, in three and a half hours you couldn't find five minutes to call me and say that you were ditching me?" he said softly but a little angrilly.

"I said I was sorry, I knew how much you went through to put that together" she said sincerely.

"Whatever its over now" he said going back to his desk with Olivia looking after him.

Please review, I'm asking nicely :)


	14. Chapter 14

I own no one but my own people.

A/N Small lesbian scene in this chapter

"I said I was sorry, I knew how much you went through to put that together" she said sincerely.

"Whatever its over now" he said going back to his desk with Olivia looking after him. She sighed then went back to her desk and began on her paper work.

"Why the hell did I do that last night?" she wondered sadly to herself.

"That was probably the most romantic date you will ever have and you fuck it all up by leaving and getting stoned and passing out. God I hate myself!" She sighed then began working on the paper work again. The rest of the day went by a little uncomfortably. Olivia and Elliot hardly spoke at all and ignored each other mostly all day except when to compare brief notes on a piece of paper work. Around lunch time Elliot offered to go get lunch and just as he walked out of the precinct, Rachel came in. Luckily Fin noticed before Olivia and he went over to her.

"Get out of here now" he said in an anger whisper. She scoffed

"no, I have every right to be here"she said crossing her arms.

"Get out now or I arrest you for processing and drugs." Rachel rolled her eyes

"whatever, look I just want to talk to Liv." He shook his head

"no, you ain't never gonna come near her again."

"You don't tell me what to do you little bitch!" she says angrilly. Olivia looked up to see the source of the yell and when she saw Rachel, she stood up and went over to her.

"What do you want?" she said angrilly. Rachel looked at her and got that smile on her face that both Olivia and Fin both knew that it was nothing good.

"Damn, why you all pissed off? I got you some of the best shit in New York city last night and your mad at me? That isn't fair." Olivia sighed then turned to Fin

"can you give us a second?" Fin nodded, gave Rachel a dirty look then walked to his desk.

"Damn, he still looks as good as he did when he arrested me. Hey do you think its true about what they say about black guys? You know about how they can get Tommy Lee to look short?"

"Shut up, get out now. I never want to see your face again." Rachel scoffed then whipped out a tiny digital camera

"yeah but, I'm sure a lot of guys would love to see this again" she said turning it on to reveal pictures of Olivia giving head to some man that she didn't know. He had a needle filled with a light orange liquid in his hand. Olivia's eyes got wide then quickly tried to snatch the camera out of her hand but Rachel pulled it out of her reach.

"Oh theres plenty more" she said flipping through the camera to reveal very exploit pictures of Olivia with a few guys, but mostly with a good looking man about thirty five with jet black hair.Olivia looked at her with tears in her eyes

"please don't show that to anyone. I'm begging you Rachel please" she said holding back tears. Rachel shrugged then put the camera back in her pocket.

"Calm down Liv girl, I won't tell anyone for a mere price" she said getting a sly look on her face. Olivia closed her eyes then opened them again.

"What do you want?"

"you, me, tonight at seven o clock, your place. This guy promised us whatever we want and I already gave him payment. You and me are going to get so totally stoned tonight!" she said excitedly. Olivia shushed her and then looked around to see if anyone heard then led her out of the bull pen.

"I have to work tonight, and I'll let you use my place for you and this guy for one night only, but I'm not touching the stuff." Rachel shrugged

"then I upload these photos and send them to you loving boyfriends E-mail." Olivia shook her head

"you evil cruel bitch. Why the hell do you want me to do this stuff so bad? I said you could use my apartment, why do you want to drag me down with you?"

"because you can't tell me for a second that you didn't enjoy forgetting all your worries last night. And how it was just you and the drugs like it used to be. You missed it, don't lie to me" she said with a wild smile. Olivia looked down because she was right, she did miss it. Rachel noticed it and smiled another wild smile

"I told you, now. You will be there tonight and we will have the time of out lives" Olivia just looked up at her

"whatever" she said not having any intent to show up. Just then Elliot came up to them

"what are you doing here?" he said a little angrilly. Rachel looked at him and smiled seductively

"well hello detective Stabler, can I help you with something?"

"yeah you can leave." She scoffed then went up to him and threw her arms around him and got as close as she could

"will you come with me?" she whispered giving his neck a small kiss. Olivia glared at her then went over and grabbed her arm and yanked her off of him.

"Whoa, calm down there" Rachel said as Olivia gave her a glare.

"Get out, right now" she said angrilly. Rachel shrugged then gave Elliot a tiny wink then left the precinct.

"I'm beginning to get real sick of her" Elliot said glaring at her back. Olivia nodded in agreement then Elliot thought of something

"Wait a second"

"Olivia, how come she didn't have any bruises on her?" Olivia turned to him and shrugged

"her attacker didn't hit her face, he just got kicked in the stomach" she said trying to sound honest. Elliot nodded but didn't believe her in the slightest.

"Whatever" he said going back to the bull pen. Olivia sighed then followed him back in.

"Why don't you just tell him, it would be better then lieing" she thought to herself as she sat down at her desk. Elliot was passing out the food when Casey came in

"hello Olivia, Fin" she said giving them a small nod.

"Oh god can you just leave?" Olivia thought to herself resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She went over to Elliot

"hey I need your report on the Wellman case by tomorrow" she said sitting on the edge if Olivia's desk.

"enjoy your self" he said passing her a Manila folder with papers in it. She flipped through it before she closed it.

"Thanks, and your gonna need to testify tomorrow don't forget"

"got it" he said taking a bite out of his burger. Munch looked over at them

"do you know how many chemicals that burger has in it? I mean the government uses poisons to make the burgers taste better, and it is a proven fact that-"

"thats great Munch" Fin said not looking up from his paper work.

"I'm not kidding! You are eating chemicals and-"

"thats wonderful John" Olivia said also not looking up. Casey looked between Fin and Olivia

"you now its funny, you both agree that Munch is annoying. You know you guys would make a great couple."

"What was that?" Elliot said looking up at her.

"Oh nothing, its just that you know, they look so good together. Fin and Olivia I mean"

"thats great Casey, don't you have some cases to get ready for?" Olivia said wanting nothing more then to bitch slap her. Casey got the point and started to walk out but not before giving a wink to Olivia.

"Wonder what that was about?" Elliot said looking at her as she walked out the precinct.

"Maybe shes becoming a full fledged blond?" Munch said also looking as she left the bull pen. They all nodded in agreement before continuing the paperwork. They didn't have any cases so the day was mostly spent doing paper work. At seven a clock though, Munch threw his pen down and sighed

"finally, two weeks of paper work done in one day."

"Why don't you just keep up with it? It would go by so much faster" Elliot said. He had finished his up about an hour ago and was helping Olivia with hers.

"Because I know so many shortcuts that I can knock out two weeks in one day."

"Like what?" Fin asked .. All three of them knew that he could knock out a few weeks of paper work in a day and no one knew how he did it.

"Ahh my good friend, that is a secret you will learn when you've been a detective as long as I have" he said looking over his sunglasses at him. Olivia sighed and rested her hands behind her head. All day she was trying to think of a way to get the camera away from Rachel with out doing drugs. She finally just decided to arrest her when she got home. She was sick of her and wanted this to end before it got to out of hand. She looked over at the clock and then stood up

"Hey do you all want to get going? We're all done with paper work and its going on seven." Munch, Fin, and Elliot all nodded then got up.

"So Munch whats on the agenda tonight?" Fin said slipping on his coat.

"The night is young and so am I"

"thats a matter of opinion" Elliot mumbled.

"I heard that" Munch said a little angrilly. Elliot went over to Olivia and slipped his arm around her waist

"you want to go get a drink?"

"and what about asking me?" Munch said crossing his arms.

"Your not as cute" Elliot said a little slyly looking at Olivia smiling. She smiled back at him whale Munch just rolled his eyes

"oh please" he mumbled going to the door and stepping out.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Fin said following Munch out the door.

"See ya" Elliot said before wrapping his arms around Olivia.

"You want to go get some coffee or something?" She turned around and wrapped her arms around him.

"Or, we could go back to my apartment" she said slyly.

"I think I'm gonna go with your suggestion" Elliot said smiling. They kissed quickly then walked out of the precinct.

"Yes!" Olivia thought happily to herself. She planed to get Elliot there so that she had an excuse for not doing the drugs. They got in Olivia's car and rode off. Elliot turned on the radio to a rap station. Olivia hid a small smile, she knew he hated rap, but Olivia liked some of the songs.

"Thank you"

"yeah yeah, but only because your so cute." Olivia smiled at him again then her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and frowned, it was Rachel's phone and she didn't really want to talk to her right now.

"Who is it?" Elliot said as Olivia turned off the ringer and put the phone back in her pocket.

"No one" she said looking out the window. The rest of the ride went smoothly and when they pulled up to her apartment, Olivia groaned in dis pair. A very, every expensive car was parked in front of her building and she knew where the occupant was.

"You alright?" Elliot said opening the door. Olivia turned to him

"yeah fine" she said offering a fake smile at him. They got out of the car and went to her apartment.

"Where the hell is she?" they heard a guy with a Spanish accent yell

"how the fuck should I know? I called her cell phone!" Rachel yelled back.

"Well you better get her ass here if she wants any of this. I got dozens of chicas that are willing to do the same thing for the same amount!"

"Trust me, she'll do a lot more for a lot less. And didn't you say you wanted to fuck her?"

"well she is hot."

"Whats going on?" Elliot said looking at Olivia. She just closed her eyes in despair

"a drug deal is going on in my apartment and it involves me. Your a great cop" she thought to herself bitterly. She opened the door to find Rachel and a Latino man about thirty with her. They both looked angry

"where the hell have you been?" Rachel said angrilly.

"Whats going on here?" Elliot said looking at the two of them confused.

"You didn't tell me she had a pimp" the man said to Rachel.

"Pimp? Alright who the hell are you?" Elliot said angrilly.

"Jose Rodriguez, and how are you?" Elliot pulled out his badge

"Detective Elliot Stabler, what were you two arguing about just now?" Jose got wide eyes then turned to Rachel angrilly

"you stupid bitch! you set me up!"

"I didn't know she was gonna bring her partner! And she was supposed to come alone!" she yelled at Olivia

"Alright, this is my apartment, and I want to know whats going on!" Olivia said angrily although she had a pretty good idea. Jose turned to her and his expression softened as his eyes roamed her body.

"Ho la Bebe, how you doing?" he said seductively going up to her, his eyes filled with lust. She took a step back and Elliot took a small step in font of her.

"All right, you can leave now" Elliot said angrilly. Rachel turned to him and smiled seductively

"hi Elliot. me, Olivia and Jose have a little business to attend to. So, can go, please? I'll give you any thing you want" she said slyly.

"No" he said firmly

"how about you take your junkie ass out of here and you take your dealer and leave before I arrest you both."

"You got nothing on us pig" Jose said his eyes still not leaving Olivia's body. Rachel sighed then turned to Olivia

"you know what this would be perfect for, a photo moment. What do you think Olivia?" she said sweetly. Olivia just glared at her

"If I arrest her she'll tell Elliot whats on the camera, if I don't, then he's gonna know somethings up. Oh god why did I have to go to that stupid party?" she thought to herself angrilly. She sighed then turned to Elliot

"El, maybe you could call me tomorrow" she said looking down.

"No, tell me whats going on" he said sternly.

"I can't, please your just gonna have to trust me" she said pleadingly. He looked at Jose and Rachel who waited impatiently for him to leave then back to Olivia.

"I'll see you tomorrow Liv" he said giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I love you" she said softly.

"I love you too" he also said softly before leaving the apartment closing the door behind him. Olivia sighed then glared at Rachel who looked rather happy

"well now that hes gone, lets get down to business" she said sitting on her couch. Olivia shook her head

"I can't believe you, you are the most evil, conniving, bitch I ever met in my life" she said angrilly.

"Aw come on baby doll, just come sit down and we can state terms" Jose said also sitting on the couch. Olivia glared at him before sitting on the chair furthest away from them.

"What the hell do you want?" she said angrilly. Jose pulled out a needle filled with Heroin and put it on the coffee table. Olivia's eyes widened as she looked at the drug that got her started. It was also the hardest drug for her to give up. One time when she and Elliot had arrested a man that beat and raped his girlfriend, a small needle filled with Heroin fell out of his pocket, she could barley stand the sight of it. She just told herself to remember what happened what she was using and she was fine.

"Remember that Liv, you used to love this, don't you dare deny it" Rachel said with a crazed look in her eyes

"you used to get that shit where ever you could, and you would do whatever you could to get it."

"Now, Jose here has about five needles of it and hes willing to give you all five, for a price. You fuck him, and there all yours." Olivia came out of her daze and looked up at her

"no, I can't and won't do that to Elliot" she said her voice firm but with a tiny shake in it.

"He won't even know baby, just do me, and you can have the night of your life.

"Don't do it Olivia!" she told herself firmly.

"AIDS, HIV, death, do not do it!" she told herself again, but it didn't seem to help much. Rachel picked up the needle then went over to her

"Liv" she said softly and seductively

"I know you want this, don't deny it girl. You want this, you need this. Don't deny it, he's never gonna know. Don't deny me Liv" she said giving Olivia's neck a small kiss.

"One prick, thats all its gonna take for you to feel that sensation again, you love it, I know you do." Olivia closed her eyes for a moment and remembered how fun it was when she was high on Heroin, and she loved it.

"Now, just give Jose one tiny fuck, and it'll be all over. I'll even do it with you she said moving her hand up Olivia's shirt. and giving her a kiss on the lips. Olivia stuck her arm out and closed her eyes.

"Thats my girl" Rachel said softly putting the needle in her.

Please review.

A/N Before any one flips out on me, I have a friend that used to be addicted to almost everything there is on the streets. She quit everything, including Heroin, and is going strong for a whole year. But even now, the mere sight of Heroin would be enough for her to crave it realllly bad and do stupid shit to get it.


	15. Chapter 15

I owe no one but my own people

A/N Little sex scene in this. Also I only know a little bit about what happens with heroin, I'm making the rest up.

"Now, just give Jose one tiny fuck, and it'll be all over. I'll even do it with you" she said moving her hand up Olivia's shirt. and giving her a kiss on the lips. Olivia stuck her arm out and closed her eyes.

"Thats my girl" Rachel said softly putting the needle in her.

Olivia felt the rush going through her and she opened her eyes.

"That wasn't so bad was it baby" Jose said licking his lips. Olivia closed her eyes again and felt a rush

"wow, this is so fucking awesome!" she said a little excitedly. Rachel nodded then Jose got up and went over to Olivia and began to kiss her. She kissed him back then he took her by the shirt and began to take her to her bedroom.

"Don't bother us" he said to Rachel who had just taken a thing of Acid.

"Wow, its like all colorful" she said drowsily looking at her hand and moving it slowly in front of her face. Jose closed the door and then pushed her to her knees and unzipped his pants.

"You know what I want bitch." Olivia nodded then gave him head. After he came, Olivia got to her feet

"wow, this is like so awesome, I like missed this so fucking much!"

"More where that came from baby" he said lustfully looking her up and down. Olivia nodded then pushed him down on her bed. He flipped her over so that he was on top then ripped off her shirt and pants. He quickly unhooked her bra and took off her underwear and threw them aside. He took off his jeans and boxers before shoving roughly into her. She let out a gasp of pain before he began to thrust into her hard.

"Oh god more" she said through her moans. He began to push harder, more roughly. Olivia began to let out more moans

"harder, harder" she moaned spreading her legs more. She usually hated to have rough sex, but when she used to get high, she loved it. Jose began thrusting into him harder and more rougher.

"Say my name, say my name bitch!" he panted

"oh god Elliot harder!" she panted. He slapped her across the face.

"say Jose you fucking whore!" he yelled at her thrusting even more harder.

"Jose, Jose!" she screamed loudly reaching her climax before he came into her. They both laid there panting heavily for a moment before he got off of her and put back on his jeans and boxers. Olivia also got dressed and they left her bedroom where Rachel was still examining her hand. Olivia sat down and began to rub her arm

"any other one hot in here?" she said beginnings to get a warm flush on her skin.

"No" Jose said taking a hit off a joint

"I'm so fucking hot, oh my god!" she said rubbing her skin to try to cool it down. She took a deep breath then looked at a picture of her and Elliot with his hand around her waist and they were both smiling. She began sobbing

"oh god what the fuck did I just do!" she said through her sobs.

"Get a fucking life" Jose said rolling another joint.

"You shut the hell up!" she yelled at him through her sobs. He got up angrily and went over to her then backhanded her with the hand that had a large ring on it.

"What the hell did you say to me?" he growled at her. Olivia felt her cheek bleeding then wiped away her tears

"nothing" she said softly. Jose, satisfied with her answer, sat back down and continued to roll the joint up. Olivia sniffed before getting up.

"Wow, I can't be leave how long its been since I did this shit. Damn I'm thirsty" she said her mood changing from sobbing to almost bored. She went to her fridge and got out a bottled water and taking a long drink from it.

"Wow, so you liked, missed this shit" Rachel said finally looking away form her hand.

"Hell yeah I missed it" she said collapsing on the chair. Rachel reached over and gave her another needle filed with Heroin witch Olivia gracessly accepted.

"Damn, from cop to bad ass in a few seconds, you are so like, wow" Rachel said examining her hand again. Olivia nodded then took a third needle off the table but Jose stopped her and took it from her.

"No way baby, second one was free, but the third one's gonna cost you" he said looking her up and down. Olivia nodded, although she had no idea what she was agreeing to. He took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom where again, they didn't come out for at least an hour. When they did, Olivia collapsed on the couch.

You know, Mexican guys are f sing huge" she said said closing her eyes.

"Bitch get out of my chair" Jose said pushing her off the couch. Olivia nodded then stood up

"god why the hell is it so hot in here?" Olivia said angrily getting up and going to the thermostat and turning it down. But on the way back do felt dizzy. She fell but caught herself on a chair. The room began spinning faster and she fell to the floor. With a groan of despair, she passed out.

Later that night.

Fin got out of his car and walked to into her building. She had seen Olivia and Rachel talking and he didn't like the sound of it, messily when he saw all the old marks on Olivia. Fin knew how persuasively Rachel could be and he just wanted to make sure that Rachel didn't do anything to Olivia. He rode the elevator up to her floor and went to her apartment. He got the key form under the fire extinguisher and went in. He flipped on the lights and looked around. Rachel wasn't in sight nor was Olivia.

"Guess she kicked her out" he thought happily to himself. He saw a chair turned over so he want over and went to pick it up.

"Oh my god!" he said nervously when he saw Olivia unconscious on the floor. He rushed over to her and bent down

"Olivia, Liv wake up" he said shaking her. She moaned but didn't stir. He looked down at her arm, and when he saw the needle mark's he felt anger and fear rise up in him. He scooped her up and ran to her bathroom. He quickly put her in the shower. He turned on the cold water and Olivia instantly began to stir. She gasped loudly and collapsed against him.

"Damn you Olivia" he said softly shaking his head. She lifted her head up and looked at him.

"Fin?" she said in a soft voice after a few moments

"what are you doing here, why the hell are we in the shower together?" He just shook his head and turned off the water and stepped out.

"Let me help ya" he said trying to hide the anger in his voice. He helped her out of the tub and handed her a towel.

"Thanks" she said softly drying herself off.

"Whatever" he said a little angrily. She wrapped the towel around her closer.

"Go get some dry clothes on" he said anger clear in his voice now.

"I, I didn't do anything" she said stumbling a little.

"You know what Olivia, I'm not in the fucking mood. Go get changed" he said leaving the bathroom. Olivia let out a sob before also leaving the bathroom and going into her bedroom. She got on a pair of sweat pants and a baggy T shirt before going to the living room. Fin was sitting at the kitchen table, looking angry.

"I'm sorry" she began but he looked up at her with a angry glare

"sorry, your sorry? Damn it Olivia, you could have died if I decided that I wanted to check up on you!" he yelled at her. Olivia began to get tears in her eyes.

"I know, and I'm sorry, I didn't want to. Please forgive me."

"Forgive you? No, you promised me you would stop. And the same night you go and overdose on heroin"

"Do you know how hard it was for me to give that up?" she yelled tears falling

"Alright, every time I see it I get the urge to do it. And here Rachel comes with three needles filled with it. You can't expect me to say no to something like that."

"I don't care!" he yelled at her

"you promised me you would stop and you go and stick a needle in your arm, you could have died!"

"I know and I'm sorry!" she screamed at him sobbing hard. She fell to her knees and began sobbing harder. Fin sighed then helped her up

"come on Liv it's okay" he said softly. She collapsed against his chest and cried against it as he stroked her hair.

"It's alright, it's all right, every thing's gonna be fine" he said softly. The stayed like that for a few minutes before Olivia's crying sedated.

"Are you gonna tell Cragen?" she said softly.

"I have to, i let you get away with it the first time but I can't do a second. She looked up at him with tearful eyes.

"You can't, please. I swear on my life I will never do drugs again" she said pleadingly Fin sighed then led her to the couch where they both sat down.

"Olivia, you made that promise a few hours ago and you still broke it. I have to tell someone. It's for your own good Liv." Olivia began to let tears fall again.

"Please" she began softly and tearfully

"I know you should tell, but Fin please. You'll ruin my life if you do."

"Your ruining your own life with this shit"

"I know, and I swear I'll stop. Just give me another chance please" she begged with him. He sighed

"Olivia, I already gave you a second chance"

"I know you did, but please Fin. I swear I'll stop, you can trust me." He sighed again before looking into her pleading eyes. He knew he should tell, and if it had been anyone else he would have, but this was one of his best friends. This was the women who had helped his son when he was arrested. He owed her something

"but she could die. If I hadn't of shown up tonight, she could of been dead by morning" he thought to himself sadly. He debated a few more seconds before he turned to her.

"Olivia, I'm not going to tell this time. But, and I swear on my son's life. If I ever catch you doing drugs or showing any signs that you did, I'll tell Cragen, no third chances, no nothing. Do you understand me?" Olivia nodded then rested her head against his chest and then remembered something.

"Oh god" she said through a sob.

"What is it?" he said a little worriedly, but all she could do was sob.

"Tell me whats wrong baby" he said turning her around to face him.

"I, I, oh god I cheated on Elliot" she said with an even heaver sob. Fin got wide eyes and opened his mouth but closed it again.

"Are you sure? I mean it could just be a false memory." Olivia nodded her head

"yes, I cheated on him twice. Oh god he's gonna hate me!" she sobbed loudly. Fin shook his head, what happened to the Olivia he knew? The one who didn't even shed more then a few tears the day her mother died now sat here sobbing uncontrollably because she cheated on her boyfriend.

"I'm not going to tell, and it was a mistake that is never going to happen again" he said a little bit demanding. Olivia nodded then wiped away the tears ad n ran a hand through her hair.

"Wheres Rachel?" Olivia said noticing neither her or Jose was anywhere in her apartment.

"I don't know, probably abandoned you. When was the last time you saw her?"

"when I passed out." Fin scoffed and shook his head

"she probably didn't even check to see if you were okay." Olivia looked down, ashamed. She knew that Fin looked down on her and she hated it. She sniffed then yawned.

"You just woke up from passing out and your tired?" he said a little confused. Olivia nodded then closed her eyes and leaned up against his chest. He was a little taken back but didn't say anything.

"Thank you she mumbled in to his shirt. He looked down at her and nodded

"your welcome" then she fell asleep. He checked to make sure she was really asleep before he lifted her up gently and carried her into her bedroom and laid her down on her bed. He took off her sneakers and socks and jacket but didn't touch any thing else. He pulled the covers over her before stepping away and shaking his head.

"What happened to you Olivia?" he said softly looking at her arm with the needle marks on it. He shook his head before he left her apartment, trying to hide the tears.

Pleaseee review. And no it isn't gonna be a F/O romance story.


	16. Chapter 16

I own no one but my own people

Thanks to xomiche18xo for betaing :)

Olivia woke up groaning, she looked at her clock, it was five thirty AM, she still had a half hour to go before she got up. She rolled over and closed her eyes but she opened them almost instinctively with tears in them. She had been dreaming all night of what she had done with Jose, and she hated it. She sniffed before getting out of bed and going to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and shuddered. Her hair was lank and messy and her eyes had seemed to lost her sparkle. She turned away and undressed and turned on the shower and almost started crying again.

"Fin saw me, he hates me" she thought to herself disappointed. She and Fin had always been close, not as close as she was with Elliot by far, but they were still good friends, and she respected him to no end. She quickly sniffed then finished washing up before getting out of the shower and blow drying her hair and putting on her make up. She went back to her bedroom, it was only six a clock, she still had an hour before she had to be at work. She went to her living room and was a surprised at the fact there was already hot coffee in a cup for her.

"Woke up a little while ago, thought I'd be some help" Fin said from the couch. She turned around a little surprised to see Fin sitting on her couch with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked going over to him and sitting on the couch. He shrugged

"I left for a little bit then decided to just crash here, and if Rachel showed up I would arrest her." Olivia nodded before taking a seat on her couch. There was silence in her apartment for a few seconds.

"Look Fin I-" she began quickly but he interrupted her

"Olivia it's okay, your not going to do it again, we'll not gonna talk about it." Olivia nodded, glad that he was so understanding.

"I just have one question, why do you care so much? I mean I know that your a cop, but why are you so, I don't know, interested." Fin was silent for a moment before speaking

"when I was fourteen I lived in the South Bronx, and it's basically like it is today, street gangs and drug dealer. One day, me and my best friend decided to blow off school to go hang out with some of the local dealers. They went to my school and we were friends with them. They got us hooked on everything they could. And it lasted till we were about sixteen, and at the time we did anything we could to get our hands on it. We stole, we pimped out women, we did anything. And one day, we bought some drugs form a real bastard, I mean he ws one of those people to kill to keep his business he paused a moment as if it was painful to remember.

"We didn't pay him one time and he shot and killed my best friend. His girlfriend was pregnant with his child at the time. That day I quit cold turkey and I never looked back." Olivia sniffed and looked own

"I'm sorry, why didn't you tell anybody?"

"and tell people what, I used to be involved in drug dealing and saw my best friend get murdered? That's why I don't want you involved in any of this, you know as well as me that drug dealers will do anything to keep there business running. Including killing customers like you to just prove a point."

" you make it seem like I'm buying drugs from Columbian drug lords or something" Olivia said a little angrily

"it happened three times in what thirteen years and your acting like I'm some sort of drug addicted mess."

"I"m sorry okay, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Look let's just forget this ever happened okay? Your not going to do it again so it's not worth arguing over." Olivia nodded then took a sip of her coffee before there was a knock on the door. Olivia went up to get it and wasn't that surprised when Elliot was there.

"Hey, thought I'd give you a ride into work today." Olivia looked down, a little embarrassed then back up at him.

"thanks, but I really just want to drive myself to work."

"You okay Liv? for the last few day's you've been acting really strange" Elliot asked softly. Olivia just shrugged but didn't answer. She felt horrible right now and didn't want to see or talk to him, she just felt to bad.

"I"m fine but I really just want to be by myself right now." Elliot nodded

"so, then do you mind if I come in for a cup of coffee before I hit the road?" he said holding up a small thermos. Olivia smiled then rolled her eyes

"yeah come on." She moved out of the way then he came in.

"Fin? what are you doing here?" Elliot asked a little confused

"my apartment's hot water shut off, I came here to take a shower" he said unbelievably before getting off the couch. Elliot looked between an embarrassed looking Olivia and Fin.

"okay, just John's apartment is closer then Olivia's, why not go there?"

"would you want to shower in John's apartment? The man who believes that hot water is used to assassinate people?" Elliot shrugged

"good point" he said before turning to Olivia and going up to her.

"You sure you don't want a ride into work today?" Olivia nodded ,still looking down. Elliot knew something was wrong but didn't want to push it.

"All right, I'll see you at the precinct." He moved in to kiss her but she turned away. She felt to embarrassed to even look at him, much less give him a kiss. Elliot looked a little worried at her but just decided to talk about it later.

"I'll see you later Liv, love you" but she didn't say anything back to him. He walked out of her apartment and shut the door behind him. Fin went up to her when he heard her crying.

"You okay?" she shook her head then sniffed

"he hates me"

"he doesn't hate you Liv, he doesn't even know why your acting that way. Don't worry about it okay?" Olivia nodded then wiped away her tears.

"so you ready to go?" Olivia nodded then they both left her apartment.

"So I'll see you at the precinct" Fin said getting in his car. Olivia nodded then gave him a small smile before getting in her car and driving to the precinct.

"okay Olivia, your fine, no one knows. It wasn't your fault that you cheated on him, I was high. Just pretend that last night never happened." She rode in silence to the precinct then puled up and got out.

"okay, now just pretend that nothing happened" she told herself as she want in the precinct. She went to her locker and put her coat away as one of the desk jockies came up to her.

"Wow, I can not believe you man. Who knew you were in to that type of shit" he said with a small shake of his head Olivia turned around nervously and tried not to freak out.

"Wha, what are you talking about?" she asked nervously.

"Oh come on, it's fine. I'm sure a lot of girls do it for a little extra cash."

"okay, now I'm confused, what the hell are you talking about?" He just smiled slyly at her before opening his locker and pulling out a lab top.

"Why do you have a lab top at work?" he shrugged

"works faster then the company computer." Olivia nodded then watched as he got on the Internet and went to a site.

"What the hell is this?" she asked as a porn site came up.

"Like you don't know" he said with a sly smile as he clicked a few times. When Olivia saw what was on the screen.

"Oh, my damn, god!" she said as there was a picture of her giving head to some guy.

"That dress, that hair, it was the night of the party. Oh my god" she thought to herself fearfully.

"So um, I'll give you fifty bucks if you'll do that to me" he said slyly. Olivia turned and glared at him before turning back to the computer.

"Who the hell would of done something like this, who would want to ruin my life like this" she thought to herself getting tears in her eyes. Then she knew and got angry, the only one with pictures of her at that party.

"Rachel."

Please review.


	17. Chapter 17

I own no one but my own people

A/N Just a few things so that you aren't that confused. Acid is a dug that looks like crack and makes you very mellowed out.

"What's going on?" Elliot said coming up to Olivia and the desk jockey. Olivia quickly closed the lab top and turned towards him.

"Noth, nothings going on right?" she said turning despriteley to the desk jockey.

"Right, nothings going on" he said before walking away from them. Olivia let out a breath of relief before turning back to Elliot.

"So, do we have any case's?"

"No, but forget that, what is going on with you Liv, you've been acting really wield since that Rachel girl came to your apartment."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, later I promise okay?" Elliot nodded then gave one last look towards the lab top before going to his desk.

"I'm going to kill her" Olivia thought angrily to herself as she shut off the computer. She grabbed her coat then walked out of the precinct with Fin following

"what are you doing?" he asked a little nervously

"I have worked to hard to cover up my past to let her screw it up." Fin paused in his spot for a second trying to realize what she was saying before he realized what she was saying and he ran after her. Elliot looked after them and felt a tiny stab of annoyance before turning to Munch.

"Can I ask you a question? If you found a guy at your girlfriends apartment early in the morning, then they've been really close the last few days. What would you say about that?"

"I'd say that Olivia would never cheat on you and that I'm a tad angry that you would think that she would" Munch said not looking up from his paper work. Elliot nodded and shock the thought of Olivia and Fin together out of his head.

"She would never cheat on me, she loves me too much" he thought to himself, but still felt a little bit worried. Mean while outside

"Olivia wait! whatever your doing, you can't" Fin said nervously as Olivia got in her car.

"Leave me alone Fin" she said angrily before he also got in the car with her.

"Get out of the car Fin"

"no, tell me what your doing and then I'll decide if I want to or not." Olivia rolled her eyes

"you just don't know when to quit do you?"

"no, now tell me what your planing."

"Nothing! I'm just gonna go talk to her, god you can get annoying sometimes." Fin gave her a tiny glare

"then give me your gun" Olivia scoffed

"I can not believe that you would think that I would actually kill her. What kind of person do you think I am?"

"judging by those needle marks? I'd say someone who would kill to try to keep it a secret." Olivia glared at him before getting out of her car and slamming the door shut. Fin groaned before he also got out

"Olivia wait" he said a little annoyed catching up to her.

"for the hundredth time leave me alone."

"No" he said forcefully turning her around. Anger flashed in her eyes before she threw a punch that him square in the cheek. He didn't fall but he did let go of her and stumbled a little bit. Fin looked at her in a mixture of surprise and shock.

"Here, want the fucking gun, then take it" she said angrily throwing her gun at his feet and storming off.

"What the hell is wrong with you Olivia?" he mumbled before walking back to the precinct.

"How dare him! Actually thinking that I would commit murder, what the hell is his problem!" she mumbled angrily before hailing a cab.

"Now if I was Rachel where would I be?" then she knew

"East avenue Van Goe apartment's" she said telling the cabby her address.

"Now, just calmly tell that little slut that I want her out of my life" she told herself not being able to keep anger out of her. About ten minutes later she was at her apartment building.

"That'll be fifteen eighty one" Olivia got out a twenty and went in the building with out her change.

"Hey Jackson, do you know if some girl is in my apartment?" The elderly door man nodded

"yeah. She's about thirty with red streaked hair. Had this guy with her also" Olivia nodded before taking off to the elevator. When she got to her floor she heard voices coming from her apartment.

"So is this where your crashing now?" she heard a guy say tiredly

"yeah, this chick is cool" Rachel said clearly mellowed out. Olivia rolled her eyes before going in her apartment.

"Olivia, what is up girl" Rachel said tiredly sitting on the couch. Her eyes were completely glazed over and barely open. And her head was bobbing. There was also a small pile of white powder on the coffee table in front of her.

"Who the hell is this?" she said pointing to a guy around nineteen with blond curly hair in the same state as her sitting in a chair.

"this is my hippie, his name is Jamel" Rachel said barely pointing to him.

"He is going to college to be a, you know what I don't even care anymore." Olivia rolled her eyes then went up to Jamel and lifted his head so that he was looking into her eyes, witch was clearly a challenge for him.

"Listen to me very closely, go home, get some sleep and do not contact her again. Do you understand me?"

"I don't have a home, I'm alone in my world, every one's alone. There's nothing for anybody anywhere" he said drowsingly

"told you he was a hippie" Rachel said also drowsingly. Olivia sighed then got out a business card and a pen then wrote something on the back of it.

"Look at me, this is a drug rehab center, they can help you. Call them" she said handing Jamel a card. He took it and nodded before closing his eyes and collapsing on Olivia's couch. Olivia rolled her eyes before glaring at Rachel.

"What the hell is wrong with you, this kid is only nineteen, your thirty years old, why would you let some kid snort crack?" Rachel scoffed

"hey, it's not crack, it's acid. Plus he was the dude who came to me with a bagie full of acid. Don't blame me" she said taking another snort. Olivia rolled her eyes then sat on the couch next to her.

"Remember what you came here for, remember what you came here for" she told herself firmly looking at the pile.

"Rachel listen to me, I want you gone, I want you out of my life. I worked to damn hard for you to mess up my life again. Now if you go now I won't arrest you, so will you please for once in your life do something nice for me and leave me alone." Rachel turned and gave Olivia what she thought was a glare

"go to hell, you can't throw me out. You wouldn't do that to me." Olivia sighed then looked at the white powder again

"no! you will not want do snort that!" she told herself forcefully but was finding it hard to resist.

"You want a hit?" she said noticing Olivia's look towards it and handing her a straw.

"No" Olivia said trying to sound forceful but her voice came out shaky. Rachel rolled her eyes

"whatever man, just think about it you know?"

"think about what?" Rachel looked confused for a few seconds.

"what the hell are you talking about?" Rachel said confused.

"You just said for me to think about it, and I'm asking what you want me to think about."

"I don't want to think about it right now, but you know you want this shit up your nose." Olivia groaned then looked towards it again

"what happened to me?" Olivia asked herself as she took the straw and put it in the powder.

"don't do it Olivia, nothing good can come of this" a tiny 'do whats right' voice said, but she didn't listen to the voice and snorted the powder up her nose.

(Ducks flames) Please review.


	18. Chapter 18

I own no one but my own people.

"Don't do it Olivia, nothing good can come of this" a tiny 'do whats right' voice said, but she didn't listen to the voice and snorted the powder up her nose.

Twenty minutes later

"Te, tell me the truth. Have you ever been with a black dude?" Olivia asked barely awake. She was high ,and she had forgotten that she had to work today. Rachel nodded with her head down.

"once, and the rumors are completely true." Olivia nodded then took another snort of the LCD then handed it to Rachel who also took a snort.

"Your a fucking cop dude, I can't believe your doing this shit" Rachel said drowsily leaning against her couch.

"Oh son of a bitch, I had to work today" Olivia said tiredly.

"So skip. it's not like that's the biggest law you've broken today" Rachel said with a small laugh.

"Good point, but I need to go. Fin is probably flipping out" Olivia said standing up and nearly fell.

"I'll see you when you got back" Rachel mumbled closing her eyes and falling asleep. Olivia stumbled out of the apartment and to the elevator.

"Can you do me a favor? Can you like, press the down button" Olivia mumbled to one of her neighbors.

"Uh sure" the neighbor said confused pressing the down button on the elevator.

"Thanks, you are a kick ass person" Olivia said giving him a large smile. She got in the elevator and turned to someone else in it.

"Hi man, can you like, press ground?"

"yeah" the person said pressing the ground button.

"Thanks, theres not that many good people left in this world but you are like definitely one of them" Olivia said drowsily. when she stepped out of the elevator she went to the front door, nearly falling and hailed a cab.

"Taxi!" she yelled loudly jumping up and down. A cab stopped in front of her and she got in.

"Where to miss?" the cabbie asked her

"my work"

"and where is your work."

"Oh, I know this one, the 1-6th precinct" she said proudly.

"Whatever lady" the cabbie said before driving off. She spent the entire car ride talking about random things and examining her hand.

"So , what it's like, being a cabbie and being all like, Arab?" she said drowsily.

"Shut up junkie" the cabbie mumbled.

"Hey" she said angrily. "I'm am not a junkie, I am a cop" she said looking at her 'blue and green' hand.

"Whatever" he mumbled before taking a left turn witch threw Olivia against the car door.

"Whoa easy buddy, or do you like it fast?" she said in a voice she thought was seductive. The cabbie just rolled his eyes then pulled up to the precinct.

"That'll be fifteen twenty" he said as Olivia stumbled out of the taxi.

"Dang, I forgot my money, how about I give you an IU?"

"What the hell's an IU?"

"what the hell are you talking about?" Olivia asked confused. The cabbie just groaned then glared at her.

"Look, can you get money from someone inside?"

"Yes, hold on like three seconds" she said holding up four fingers before going into the precinct.

Fin was working on paper work, but kept looking up at the door for Olivia. He was afraid of what was going to happen to her.

"Please don't let her do something stupid" he told himself forgetting about the paper work. He sighed then looked up at the door again and got wide eyes. Olivia stumbled into the precinct and it was clear that she was high. He quickly looked over at Elliot, who luckily didn't see her yet. Fin got up and went over to her, anger clear in his eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he whispered angrily taking her by the arm and dragging her to a small corner of the front entrance. Her eyes were glazed over, and her once beautiful smile was one dazed and idiotic looking.

"Fin man, look, I know you told me not to do this shit, but it is awesome. So I will not be able to go to work today." Fin glared at her and shock his head.

"I can't believe you Olivia, you came into a detective precinct high, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't yell at me, you have no clue how good this feels man. It's like, your alone in the world, and wow" she said totally out of it. Fin shock his head hen sighed

"go home, do not go out of your house again do you understand me?" but she didn't seem to care. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned in closer.

"Tell me, is it true what they say?"

"what who say?" Fin said confused and angry.

"That black guys are huge?" she whispered seductively putting a hand on his mid section.

"Get off me" he said angrily pushing her hand away. She just rolled her eyes and did what she thought was a scoff before looking at him lustfully.

"God damn your hot" she said lustfully before kissing him on the lips forcefully.

Elliot sighed then threw down his pen. He had been trying to concentrate on paperwork, but his mind kept wondering to Fin following Olivia out of the bull pen and finding them together in her apartment early in the morning.

"She loves me, she wouldn't cheat on me with one of my best friends" he told himself forcefully.

"But why would he be at her apartment that early?" he asked himself before shaking the thoughts out of his head. He sighed before going back to his paper work. Before hearing Fin say something a little angrily, but he couldn't make it out. He looked up and what he saw, shocked him. Olivia and Fin were kissing and it looked like she was enjoying it.

"Oh god no" he thought to himself tearfully before getting up from his chair and going to the bathroom to do something he hasn't done in years, he cried.

Fin was a little shocked at what she was doing so for a few seconds, he just stood there whale Olivia kissed him, but he finally came out of his shock and pushed her away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he said angrily.

"Calm down, I know that you want to fuck me" she said seductively before Fin shock his head and pulled a twenty out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"Catch a cab and go home" he said forcefully. She sighed dramatically before taking the money and looking at him lustfully again before stumbling out of the precinct. He stood there for a moment, dumb founded at what became of her before he turned around and headed into the bullpen.

"Hey, I need to talk to you" Elliot said forcefully coming up to him.

"Leave me alone Stabler" he mumbled angrily.

"The hell I will! You and Olivia are sleeping together!" Elliot said angrily turning him around. Fin sighed

"look, I don't have time for this right now" he said turning around again

"Oh I think you do" Elliot said angrily turning him around again. Fin let anger flash in his eyes for a moment before he nailed Elliot with a right hook. Elliot stumbled and Fin took advantage of his shocked moment and walked into Cragen's office and opened the door.

"Fin what's up?" Cragen said confused looking past him and seeing the blood seep form Elliot's nose.

"I need to talk to you about something"

"what?"

"It's about Olivia" he said swallowing his fear.

"Is she okay?" Cragen said nervously.

"It's for her own good" he told himself firmly. Fin took a deep breath before he shock his head.

"no. Don, Olivia's on drugs."

Please review.


	19. Chapter 19

I own no one but my own people

"Is she okay?" Cragen said nervously.

"It's for her own good" he told himself firmly. Fin took a deep breath before he shock his head.

"no. Don, Olivia's on drugs." Cragen's eye's widened as he looked at Fin in complete shock.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he said in confusion. Fin sighed before sitting down in one of the chairs.

"I'm talking about Olivia being on drugs. It started about a week ago when her friend Rachel came back and two days ago I found out. I should of told you sooner but I didn't." Cragen just continued to look at him in confusion

"so your saying, that one of my best detectives, who I have never even seen take Tylenol, is on drugs? Why the hell would she?" he said a little angrily.

"I know you don't think it's possible, neither did I but it's true. You have to believe me, she told me. Theres something else too, she cuts." Cragen sighed but before he could say anything, Elliot came in and he was obviously mad.

"I need to talk to you now!" he said angrily glaring at Fin.

"Whoa whoa wait, why the hell are you yelling at Fin, and why do you have a bloody nose?" Cragen asked confused.

"Ask that bastard, him and Olivia are dating then when I asked him about it he punched me. I thought you were my friend?" Elliot said angrily.

"We are not dating! She just kissed me, and maybe if you haven't of been in my face then I wouldn't of needed to of hit you" Fin said a little angrily. Elliot glared at him before taking a step towards him with his fist balled up. Cragen took a step in between them.

"I knew relationships at work would never work out" he thought to himself as both Fin and Elliot glared at each other.

"Now Elliot, calmly tell me whats going on?" Cragen said turning to him.

"Fine that jack ass kissed Olivia, and there dating."

"Do you listen at all to anything at all!She kissed me, I did not kiss her, theres a big difference! and that just proves my point about what I told you" Fin said looking at Cragen.

"Proves what?" Elliot said angrily. Before Cragen could tell him to drop it Fin told him.

"Proves that she's on drugs! She's been using ever since that skank Rachel came back to her life. And she was high today and that's why she kissed me. We're not dating and she's not cheating on you with me." Elliot shook his head

"your wrong, Olivia wouldn't do something like that."

"What about the night at the restaurant when she left and didn't come back, and the day she was acting really weird then passing out" he thought to himself fearfully. Elliot looked down his face went form angry to hurt and confused. Cragen sighed before he went back to his seat and motioned for Elliot and Fin to do the same.

"You know what I'm telling you is true, do you really think she would kiss another guy if she didn't know what she was doing?" Fin said softly siting down.

"She's a cop, she wouldn't do something like this" Elliot said a little upset

"she wasn't when she was a teenager though, and I'm guessing that's when she got addicted. Then when Rachel came back to her life, she started using again."

"Wait a second, do you two actually believe that Olivia is doing drugs? That the second best detective in this unit gets high?"

"yes, Don this is serious. Last night I went to her apartment just to check up on her, and she was passed out on heroin. If I didn't get there when I did she could of died." Cragen sighed before turning to Elliot.

"you know her better then anyone, has she been acting weird at all these last few days?" Elliot was silent for a moment before he spoke.

"Yes, she was acting really strange the other day and the day I was going to propose to her she left and she said she'd be back in five minutes and she was gone the entire night. Then she lied to me about it the next day, plus she" he paused for a moment forcing himself not to let his voice break "I don't think she would of kissed Fin if she didn't know what she was doing. But I don't think Olivia is the type of person to do this, why would she?"

"Because Rachel is a conniving little bitch that knows how to fuck with peoples mind to get them to do whatever they want. And theres another thing you should know about her" he said looking down.

"To get drugs, she slept with another guy twice." Elliot's eyes got wide as he cast a look downwards the floor.

"She, she wouldn't do that to me, she loves me to much.

"Not when she's high man, you just said it yourself that she wouldn't do something if she didn't know what she was doing. She was high on Heroin that night. I'm sorry." Elliot opened his mouth then closed it again, he couldn't think of anything to say. All though he didn't want to believe it, he knew what Fin was saying was true.

"What are we going to do about this? I can't arrest her. I should but I can't" Cragen said giving a sympathetic look towards Elliot.

"No, you can't arrest her, if you do she'll never get a job as a cop anywhere else again" Fin said fastly.

"I know that, that's why I'm thinking that we talk to her and then send her to NA. It won't go on the record and she'll still have a job when she gets out." Cragen said looking at Elliot.

"Are we are going to talk to her or just one of us?"

"I think Elliot should do it alone. She love's you Elliot, and if you tell her that it's hurting you badly, she won't be able to refuse. Can you do it?" Elliot nodded then him and Fin stood up.

"All right, take the rest of the day off and go talk to her okay?" Elliot nodded before turning towards Fin.

"Sorry for hitting you man" Fin said softly. Elliot shrugged

"Don't worry about it, I should of known that you would never date her, your to good a friend to do that." They gave each other a small smile before Elliot left the office.

"I can't believe this, she wouldn't do something like this. She's too good a person, why would she do something like this?" he thought to himself going to his car. He got in and quickly drove to Olivia's house thinking the same thing over and over

"why would she do something like this?  
" when he finally got there, he parked his car and sighed as he looked up at her apartment building. He sighed before he went inside the apartment building. He quickly rode the elevator up to her floor and got off then went to her apartment and took a deep breath as he knocked on her door.

"Here goes" he thought to himself as the door opened.

Please review


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer: Own no one but my own people.**_

**A/N I've said it in my profile, but congratulations to Mariska Hargitay and Peter Hermann for their little boy August Hermann.They're gonna be great parents :) And what better story to put a congratulations in then this one? Also, thanks to Emily for betaing :)**

"So then I'm like, damn he's hot" Rachel said lounging on Olivia's couch. The two of them had been getting even more high since Olivia came home. Olivia nodded then inhaled another hit off the joint she had rolled up.

"Wow, I am going to get in so much trouble for this. Like seriously, I am screwwwed" Rachel looked at her for a few moments before they both started laughing.

"Oh man, your boyfriend is gonna be so pissed at you if he finds out." Rachel said through her laughter.

"I know, but luckily, he won't ever never find out. Plus I'm way to hot for him to get mad at."

"Yeah you are, you're like, wowza."

"Wowza isn't even a word." Olivia said laughing hard.

"Uh huh it is to." Rachel whined.

"You act like a kid."

"You are a kid" Rachel shot back. They both sat there laughing for a minute before there was a knock at the door.

"Answer the door." Olivia said, nudging Rachel in the ribs.

"No way beotch, it's your house, you answer the door." Olivia sighed loudly then got up and went to the door and looked though the peephole.

"Oh shit, it's Elliot, you got to get out of here." she said nervously.

"No freaking way man, I am like the queen of hiding when I'm up in the air." Olivia groaned then took a deep breath and opened the door,

"Hey El man, what is going on?" she said trying and not succeeding at keeping a straight face.

"Can I come in?" he said softly.

"Yeah, you know what? Now's not a good time, so why don't you come back in like two hours or something like that. I will be all yours then." she said giving him a seductive smile before trying to close the door but Elliot's foot blocked it.

"What the Hell are you doing man? I said I'm busy and I want you to come back in a few hours. Jesus Christ man, get a fucking hearing aid" she said a little angrily.Elliot's face was grim. He pushed her gently out of the way and gave Rachel a glare.

"Hey you can't do that man. I mean I love ya, but you can't jus' come barging into my house like that.That's uncool man." Olivia said sternly.

"Get out." he said going over to Rachel.

"Wait, what?" she said in confusion.

"I said get the fuck out. Me and Olivia have to talk."Rachel scoffed and stood up.

"Anything you can say in front of Liv girl, you can say in front of me" she said crossing her arms.

"Get out now" he said a little angrily.

Rachel scoffed then went up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and then gently kissed his neck,

"I know you want me, so how about we both stay, Olivia goes, and whatever Olivia does for you, I'll do it double" she whispered seductively in his ear. Elliot glared at her before taking her by the arm hard and dragging her to the door.

"Get off me!" Rachel said angrily, trying to get out of his grasp but she was to high to even try to pull away. He opened Olivia's door and pushed her out of the apartment and closed and locked the door.

"You can't do this to me. Open the damn door!" Rachel said slamming on the door.

"You can't throw her out. This is like my apartment." Olivia said angrily going up to the door, but Elliot was blocking it.

"Yo man let me unlock it!" she whined. Elliot shook his head

"No, you and me need to talk now." he said forcefully.

"Hey I got news for you man. I don't listen to no one." Elliot gently grabbed her by the hand and dragged her over to the couch.

"Let go of me man" she said trying to get out of his grasp but he didn't.Elliot sat her down on the couch then sat next to her.

"I'm not talking to you, you're a big mean jerk." she said immaturely crossing her arms and turning away from him.

_Oh god what's happened to you Olivia?_ He thought to himself sadly, "Olivia look, we really need to talk, will you please look at me." he said trying to turn her around but she firmly sat where she was. Elliot sighed then shrugged "fine, you don't have to look at me but I'm gonna say it anyway. You need help Olivia. I don't know why you suddenly decided to act like this, but I really want you to stop. Please, your really hurting yourself Liv, and I hate to see you hurt." he said softly. Olivia still wouldn't look at him so he knew he had to do the one thing that he knew would get her attention even if he would hate himself for it.

"You're acting like your mother."

Olivia turned around and glared at him, "What the Hell are you talking about? I so do not act like her. You're a big jackass" she said angrily trying to stand up, but fell back down on the couch.

"Yes you are, you're hurting people that care about you."

Olivia scoffed "I never cared about that bitch, she made my life a fucking nightmare" she said bitterly then reached for the joint on the coffee table, but Elliot took it away.

"I can't believe you. What is wrong with you?" he said sadly.

"Look, it's my life and frankly I really don't give a shit what you say, so just back the fuck off me Mr. Hero Cop." she said trying to get it back but he pulled it out of her reach.

"No, you and me are going to stop this once and for all" he said getting up and heading towards the bathroom.

"Wait, what are you doing?" she said nervously getting up and following him, "No!" she yelled when he flushed it down the toilet. Olivia ran to retrieve it, but Elliot held her back.

"No, look at yourself Olivia, look at what you've become!" he yelled, forcing her to see herself in the mirror. She tried to get out of his grasp but she was to high and he had too good a hold on her.

"Look… look at yourself in the mirror. Do you really like this? Do you honestly and truly like what you've become?"

She glanced up at the mirror and let out a sob. Her hair was completely messed up and instead of seeing the brightness in her eyes, they just looked hollow,

"Why are you doing this?" she yelled letting out another sob.

"Because I love you." he said forcefully.

"Well I don't love you!" she shouted letting more tears fall down her face.

Elliot's eyes widened and his mouth dropped opened a little. He knew that she didn't believe that, but it still pained every part of him to hear her say that,

"You, you don't know what your saying.You love me Liv and I love you. That's why I want to help you.Don't you understand? You need help."

"Let me go!" she said angrily before wrenching out of his grasp.She turned and glared at him. "Look, this is my life.So I will do whatever the hell I want to it.So just stay the fuck out of it!"

Elliot struggled to hold back tears, what happened to the Olivia he knew? The one that would never tell him to stay out of her life?

"Olivia listen to me" he said calmly, "You need help. Do you realize what you're doing to yourself? Please, I love you Liv. I hate seeing you like this. This is hurting me too. Don't you care about that?"Olivia let out a sob before running out of the bathroom.Elliot ran after her and got wide eyes when he saw her in the living room with her gun to her head.

"Olivia" he said calmly, "You don't want to do this, please.It's just the drugs, put the gun down."

"You don't get it, you're right. I ruined my life." she said with tears flowing down her face.

"No you didn't. I'm going to help you get through this. Just put the gun down. I love you, please. It's just the drugs making you do this." he said inching closer to her.

"Everyone knows. I'm gonna get fired"

"No you're not. Cragen said that if you got help then you would still have a job."

"Everyone knows though." she said through her tears.

"No they don't, the only people who know are me, Fin, and Cragen. Please Liv, I don't know what I'd do without you. Please just put the gun down. I don't want you to die." he said, getting tears in his eyes. Olivia let out a sob before cocking the gun. Elliot ran up to her and grabbed the gun from her and threw it to the ground before hugging her tight.

Through her sobs she yelled at him, "Let me go!"

"No! I'm not letting you die" he said forcefully, letting even more tears fall down his face. She let out a sob before hugging him back and began sobbing hard on his shoulder. They held each other for a few minutes before her sobs turned into a quiet cry.

"Thank you." she said softly.

"I'm not letting you go" he said softly beginning to stroke her hair.They released the hug and Olivia looked down.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You have no clue how much you mean to me" he also whispered.

Olivia wiped away her tears then took a shaky breath and looked back up at him,

"I'm ready to let go now." Elliot nodded and gave her a small smile,

"Good and I'll be right there with you all the way, okay?" She nodded then turned towards the clock.

"I need to go." she said softly, looking back at Elliot.

"Where are you going?" he asked gently as she walked to the door. She turned around and was silent for a few seconds.

"To get help. You said it yourself, I'm hurting the people I care about. I can't do that anymore."Elliot nodded then went up to her.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, this is something I need to do on my own. Shouldn't you be at work or something?"

"Cragen gave me the day off and I understand that you need to do this by yourself. Just remember that I'm here for you and I'll help you get through it." Olivia let a tear run down her face but didn't bother to wipe it away,

"Goodbye Elliot, I'll always love you." she said softly before going out the door.

Elliot sighed then sat down on her couch, "She's getting help, she's gonna be okay." he said softly smiling a little.He yawned then lay down on her couch and closed his eyes.This whole thing had wiped him out and he was tired so he fell asleep.

**_Five hours later_**

Elliot heard his phone ring and he sat up and answered it.

"Stabler" he said sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Elliot, I think you should get to the office." Cragen said with sadness obvious in his voice.

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked standing up and stretching.

"I really think you should come to the office." Cragen said sadly.

"What's wrong Don? Please tell me." he said nervously.

"Just get down here okay." Then he hung up. Elliot looked at the phone in confusion before he put it back in his pocket and left Olivia's apartment. As he drove to the precinct, he couldn't get Cragen's tone of voice out of his head.

_He's been crying, he never cries.I wonder what's so wrong he couldn't tell me over the phone_. He thought to himself a little nervously. He pulled up to the precinct and went in. He looked around and everyone seemed to be normal acting. The only thing wrong was that Fin and Munch were gone.Elliot went into Cragen's office and was surprised when he saw two uniformed officers looking very sad and Cragen with tears in his eyes.

"What's going on Don?" Elliot asked in confusion and nervousness.

"Close the door son." he said softly trying his hardest not to let his voice break.

Elliot closed the door then turned to him again

"Okay, now please can you tell me what's wrong?" he asked fearfully.

"Sit down Elliot."

"No. Tell me what's wrong now." he commanded a little angrily.Cragen sighed and walked up to him.

"I want you to remember that I'm here for you okay? No matter what you're feeling after I tell you, I will accept and will understand okay?"

Through his nervousness he said, "Don, please tell me what's wrong."

Cragen took a deep breath and let another tear fall from his eyes,

"I'm just going to come out and say it. It might be the easiest way.Olivia was found dead about two hours ago of a heroin overdose."

**(Ducks flame throwers) Please review.**


	21. Chapter 21

**I own no one but my own people**

**Thanks to my beta Emily.**

Cragen took a deep breath and let another tear fall from his eyes,

"I'm just going to come out and say it. It might be the easiest way. Olivia was found dead about two hours ago of a heroin overdose." Elliot got wide eyes and almost fell to the ground.

"Wha, what? No, no your lying. She wouldn't do that." Cragen looked down then went up to him.

"I'm sorry, but she was found in an alley way two hours ago. Th, this was also found with her" he said sniffling and handing him a note. Elliot took a shaky breath and took the note.

"Dear Elliot, I never meant to hurt you. I know now that I can't live without you, and you do not deserve to be with a women that did these kind of things. I feel so bad, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I love you always, Olivia." Elliot felt a tear roll down his face and he let out a sob.

"No, no!" he yelled loudly falling to the ground. Cragen went over to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder but he knocked it away.

"Get the fuck away from me!" he yelled loudly standing up and storming out of the office with Cragen close by.

"Elliot listen to me. This is not your fault, she decided to-"

"No!" he said angrily storming up to him. "This was not her fault, it was that slut Rachel's fault. Oliv, Olivia would still be alive if it wasn't for her" Elliot said through his tears. Cragen never saw Elliot shed a tear in the seven years of working with him.

"Elliot listen to me" Cragen said ignoring the mutterings the other people i the precinct.

"I know what your going through right now, but-"

"no you don't!" he yelled at him. "I loved her, and she went and did this, I, I just. She promised me she would get help, and then, not even a day later, she" but he couldn't finish because he was getting choked up.

"I gotta go, I need to see her" then eh walked out of the precinct with Cragen following.

"Elliot wait, what good will it do you to do that?"

"because, I need to know for sure. I can't accept the fact that the love of my life is gone without proof." Cragen wiped away a tear then followed Elliot into his car.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked him

"I need to be sure too. I mean, she was like a daughter to me"

"is, she is like a daughter to you" Elliot said wiping away more tears.

"She's at the morgue" Cragen said softly. Elliot didn't say anything and instead just drove to the morgue in silence. When they got there they got out of the car and wet in. When they first walked in, they saw Warner sobbing in a chair. They went over to her and Cragen gently laced a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and wiped her tears.

"I, I can't believe shes gone" she said hugging Cragen through her sobs. He hugged her back and struggled to hold back his own sobs.

"It, it's okay" he said letting a tear run down his face. Elliot let out sob before taking a deep breath.

"Uh, I need, I need to see her" he said softly. Warner released the hug and took a deep breath.

"Um, yeah okay" she said wiping her tears away. The three of them walked down the hall into one of the rooms. Warner took a deep breath before pulling out of one the drawers that contained Olivia. Elliot let out a sob as he saw the women he loved was lying on a cold drawer.

Cragen began crying and then he began hugging Warner and they began sobbing together.

"Oh god why?" Cragen yelled through the sobs. Elliot let a tear ran down his face and then stroked her cold cheek.

"Why?" he said softly "why the hell would you do this Liv? I loved you" he said softly letting more tears fall. He sniffed and wiped away his tears. Then, not being able to look at her face any more he left, gently closing the door behind him. He left the morgue and went into his car, ignoring everyone, including his cell phone. He drove to Olivia's apartment building and got out and went into her apartment. He heard laughter coming from inside her apartment and anger seared through him. He angrily opened the door and saw Rachel sitting on the couch inhaling a bong. When she looked up and saw Elliot she smiled at him.

"Hey, El man whats up?" she said happily. He glared at her then went over and grabbed her arm and pulled her up angrily.

"Hey man what the fuck are you doing?" she said angrily. Then she sudden;y punched her in the face, sending her sailing to the ground. She quickly tried to get up but Elliot kicked her hard in the ribs. Rachel let out a cry of pain before Elliot grabbed her by her shirt collier and pulled her up.

"What the fuck is your problem man?" she said angrily but Elliot punched her in the mouth so hard that he heard a crack and she fell on the couch. She let out a cry of pain then turned and glared at him.

"You fucking bastard!" she said through the heavy blood flowing from her mouth.

"What, your little bitch not give you any?" Elliot's eyes seared with anger and he yelled loudly before he jumped on top of her and started hitting her hard. She was to high to block him

"stop it!" she screamed loudly. Elliot stooped hitting her and sat up and Rachel also sat up, bleeding heavily.

"What the fuck is your problem?" she yelled at him.

"You know what my fucking problem is" he said angrily.

"No I don't, why don 't you call 911 to get me an ambulance then tell me."

"Fuck you you little junkie whore! I'm not calling you a fucking ambulance. You deserve everything you got!" he yelled at her. Rachel glared at him

"look, tell me why the fuck your beating my ass or I'm calling your fuck buddy and-" but she couldn't finish her sentence because Elliot hit her in her all ready broken jaw. She let out a scream of pain and tears began flowing down her face.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she said through her tears. He glared at her

"because you killed Olivia!" he yelled letting tears down her face. Rachel wiped away her tears and looked at him in confusion.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Olivia's not dead."

"She was found dead two hours ago because of a heroin overdose. Thanks to you, the women I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is dead." Rachel scoffed

"my fault? for what, for you dating a junkie?"

"she is not a junkie!" he yelled getting off the couch. "You made her a junkie! she was fine before you came around!" Rachel got off the couch and nearly fell on her face

"she was fine? Oh bull shit she was fine! She was a junkie all through out high school, and the only reason she stopped was because some dealer fucking raped her. You didn't know anything about her, she was a junkie at heart and was bound to do it again. I just pushed her along."

"Why the fuck did you have to come back in her life! She was doing fine and then you had to come back and screw it all up" he said beginning to cry. " I loved her, I was gonna ask her to marry me. We were gonna be a family. Why did you have to come back?" he said beginning to cry harder. Rachel sighed loudly then rolled her eyes

"look, I'm sorry that shes dead. I mean, she was like my best friend all through high school. But" she let out a small laugh "you got to admit, she wasn't that good at resisting anything." Elliot glared at her before he got off the couch.

"Get out" he said angrily. Rachel looked at him in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Elliot grabbed her by the hair then dragged her to the door, ignoring her screams of pain. He opened the door and threw her out of the apartment and locked the door. Elliot went back to the couch and picked up a picture of the two of them smiling and looking happy. He let a tear fall and then began to sob hard.

"Why Olivia, why did you have to go?" he said through his sobs.

Two months later.

"Elliot can I see you in my office?" Cragen said from the doorway. Elliot stood up and cast a look at Olivia's desk, who he refused to let anyone touch or rearrange.

"What?" he said closing the door behind him.

"Detective Johnson quit today, said that you kept yelling at him for the simplest things." This was his fifteenth partner that had quit, the longest working only two weeks.

"He annoyed me" he said simply

"Elliot every detective has annoyed you since-"

"don't, don't you dare bring it up!" he said angrily. He had refused to talk about Olivia's death since it happened. Unfortunately, even with the help of everyone else, he hasn't been able to afford a proper burial so was still in the morgue. Rachel tried suing him for assault and battery but he simply said that she started it, and since she was high and had a bag of pot with her when she showed up at the courthouse, Elliot won and she was arrested that day for drug possession. Cragen sighed then went up to him

"Elliot, you need to talk about it. I mean you've been drinking almost every night since you found out, you haven't talked to anyone besides to yell at your new partner, your work habits are slipping, and you haven't even talked to your children since it happened. There worried about you Elliot."

"Well I'm fine" he said turning around

"no your not Elliot, you need help, would Olivia want you to do this?" Elliot stopped in his tracks for a second before he went out the door and slammed it shut. He went to his desk and sat down in it and looked at a picture of the two of them smiling and happy. He let a tear run down his face before he wiped it away.

"I miss you, why did you have to go?" he said softly. He tried concentrating on his paperwork but finally threw down his pen and left. He went home, Olivia's apartment, and got a beer from the refrigerator and quickly nursed it down. He was about to start on another one when he heard a knock on the door. He let out a groan

"go away, I'm not in the mood for company!" he said to the person at the door. But the person knocked again. Elliot groaned loudly then got up and went to the door and opened it.

"I said I-" but he stopped short and got wide eyes seeing the person at the door.

"Hi Elliot" Olivia said softly standing in front of him.

**Please review, last chapter coming soon. ( I promise it will all make sense)**


	22. Chapter 22

**I own no one but my own people.**

**A/N Thanks to all 194 reviewers (be it good or flamey), it really means a lot to me that you'd take the time to read this and comment on it. I hope you all enjoy the last chapter of "An Old Life."**

"I said I-" but he stopped short and got wide eyes seeing the person at the door.

"Hi Elliot" Olivia said softly standing in front of him. He couldn't speak for a few moments. All he could do was stare at her in shock. She looked different then the last time he talked to her. Her eyes had gained back some of there spark and her hair looked smoother and shinier

"O, Olivia?" he finally said, clearly in shock. She nodded

"yeah, how you doing?" she asked softly. Elliot took a step back a little frightened

"bu, but your dead. I mean, I saw you i, in the morgue. And wha, what about Cragen and"

"I'll explain everything, can I please come in?"

"Yo, you aren't like, a spirit or something right?" Olivia shook her head

"no, please let me explain." Elliot looked a little apprehensive before before moving so that she could come in, and he shut the door behind her. She turned to face him and they stared into each others eyes for a moment.

"I missed you" she said suddenly hugging him. He was a little taken back that a women he thought was dead was suddenly hugging him but he hugged her back. Elliot inhaled the aroma of her shampoo and closed his eyes.

"You are here, it isn't a dream" he whispered softly. They held on to each other for a few more moments before Olivia released the hug and sat don on the couch. She motioned him to sit next to her and he did.

"I need to explain a few things El" she said softly. "But I have to tell you something first."

"What is it?" he asked little nervously. She got a small smile on her lips

"Now I know it's her" Elliot thought to himself happily looking at her familiar, beautiful smile.

"I've been clean for fifty three days, ten hours, and seven minutes."

"Thats terrific, I'm proud of you Olivia" he said sincerely. She looked down and blushed a little bit.

'Thank you"

"but I still want to know, why your standing in your apartment, when you were dead two months ago." She sighed then began to play with her hair, a habit that she did when she was nervous.

"Promise you won't be mad?"

"I could not be mad at you for anything in the world right now" Elliot said truthfully. She took another deep breath but didn't look up at him.

"Two months ago you told me that I was hurting you because of what I was doing. And I love you way to much to hurt you. So I checked myself into a rehab facility. But, one of the conditions was, I had to see how much I was hurting the person I cared about the most. So, the center called Cragen and Warner t, to set my death up." Elliot got wide eyes then stood up

"you what?"

"Elliot listen to me" she said hurriedly " I didn't want to, but the center said that I had to see what was going to happen if I continued doing it. The day when Cragen told you that I killed myself there was a volunteer from the center and he had a tiny camera in his pocket, and they made me watch what happened"

"and Warner, did she have a camera too?" he said trying his best not to be angry.

"Yes" she said softly looking down.

"And the not being able to afford a funeral? what did you have the funeral parlor in on it to?"

"No, but Munch and Fin" she paused for a moment "also knew and thats why they didn't have enough money to lend you. I'm sorry" she said gently.

"But I saw your body, I felt your body Olivia, what do you want to tell me next, that it was just some stupid copy that was cold?" he said a little angrily.

"some sort of special wax, they only copied my face. The rest was a body pillow" she said gently not being able to look at him. Elliot shook his head

"I can't believe you Olivia. Do you know what I did, I kicked th shot out of Rachel for causing your death, not that she didn't deserve it anyway. But I didn't talk to my children for nearly two months, I spent every night in a bar getting drunk trying to forget that the women I loved was dead!" he yelled at her. "Did you even think what this was going to do to me?"

"yes" Olivia said standing up and beginning to get tears in her eyes. "I love you okay? I love you more then I ever loved anybody in this whole world. And I'm sorry for everything that you went through these last two months. But I didn't know, and Cragen promised me that he would tell you if you got to upset or depressed. But I swear I never wanted to hurt you, I did this to help you okay? I spent two months away from you to help you. I know you love me as much as I love you, and I didn't want to keep hurting you because of what I was doing. Please Elliot you have to understand, I never meant to hurt you with this." Elliot was silent for a moment as he watched the tears fall down her face.

"I know you would never do anything to hurt me or anyone else intentionality. And I'm sorry I snapped at you, but, I was just a little angry. Not at you but" he paused for a moment "but at the fact that I thought I lost you. I never want that feeling again Liv, I love you too much." They looked in each other eyes for a moment before Elliot pulled her into a passionate kiss. After about a minute they released it then Olivia pulled him into a hug.

"I will always love you" he said gently stroking her hair.

"I love you too" she whispered letting ore tears fall down her face. Elliot released the hug

"hold on a second" he said before running into the kitchen and grabbed something from inside a cabinet. He ran back over to her and got down on one knee.

"Olivia I love you, and this right here proves that we can get through anything together. And I never want the chance to lose you again. So Olivia, will you marry me?"

"yes" Olivia said happily letting more tears run down her face. He quickly stood up and put the ring on her finger then pulled her into another passionate kiss. As they stood there, there lips locked, feeling more love for each other then they ever felt in there entire lives. They both realized that an old life, can quickly turn into a new beginning.

The End

**Final Authors note: Every year there are thousands of drug related deaths. If you or someone you know have a problem with drugs, don't wait, get help. This is a fictional story, most drug related incidences don't end happily. You only have one life, don't waste it. **


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